this past saturday marked my last day of work at trail west.  above you will see pictures I took along the way during #lastweek.

what a journey it has been here.  I will not attempt to sum it up here and now.
it does help in an odd way to have many friends departing at the same time as myself.
I have felt so surrounded and loved here by these people, and I am grateful and honoured to begin and end my time alongside them.
loads of emotion and processing...  both things I am quite accustomed to being in the midst of.  haha.
this chapter is closed, and I am just as sad as I am excited about the next one to open.

I make my move across the country at the end of next week...
to...

BOSTON.

more info to follow, of course...
cheers,
kb.

change.

"change is basically a shift in the relation of the parts of a whole or the admission of some foreign element into the original composition."  -a.w. tozer.

change:  an alteration or modification.  -webster dictionary

I feel as if I have written about this life constant many times over the history of this chronicle.  

perhaps, it is due to the fact that the shifting is ongoing. 

perhaps, this repetition is to help me remember the difference and distinction between

constant and fluid. 

I am certain both above statements have importance and truth within.  

one of my favourite books is "The Knowledge of the Holy" by A.W. Tozer.  

(the quote above can be found here.)

I keep this book in my bag most of the time, as the chapters are small and easily read while waiting for a dentist appointment or for a friend who is a few minutes late to breakfast.  though bite-sized in word content, the depth of meaning and profundity is vast.  

truth remains truth, never ceasing to challenge and remind me of who I am and who God remains.

this morning over coffee I read once again the chapter on the immutability of God, or in other words, His inability to change.

a few thoughts that resonated with me...

"In God no change is possible; in men change is impossible to escape."

"The law of mutation belongs to a fallen world, but God is immutable (unchanging), and in Him men of faith find at last eternal permanence."

"In this world where men forget us, change their attitude toward us as their private interests dictate, and revise their opinion of us for the slightest cause, is it not a source of wondrous strength to know that the God with whom we have to do changes not?  That His attitude toward us now is the same as it was in eternity past and will be in eternity to come?"  

Malachi 3:6...

         "I the Lord do not change..."

today, I am thankful that in the midst of crazy, chaotic, unpredictable life, the Lord is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  (Hebrews 13.5-6, 8)

I have this friend, dave, with whom I did summer staff several years ago at a place called windy gap.  you might recognize him or at least his voice.  dave is a gifted song writer, musician, and believer.  click on the link below to hear his poignant take on this God truth.

your love will never change...dave barnes.

They tell me

There's songs reserved for angels
Would you sing me one, a stranger
Just to prove your love

And You know they tell me
You've given poor men kingdoms
Handed guilty freedom
Taken on their stains
Your love will never change
Your love will never change

They tell me
You dwell with good and evil
In alleys and cathedrals
Shadows and a light

And You know they tell me
You hold the world together
Not from guilt but pleasure
You somehow know my name
Your love will never change
Your love will never change

So tell me
There's nothing that You can't do
Love me thought I've hurt You
You'll take all my blame
Your love will never change
Your love will never change
Your love will never change

I hope your week is filled with deep breaths of how deeply loved you are, just as you are.  

cheers,

kb.

week three begins today.
our first week was difficult in big and small ways that I cannot aptly describe and do not feel need to re-live, to be honest.
the week after was beyond description better than our first one.  all involved, both those who reside here for only a month and those of us who call tw home for the whole of the summer were more at ease and breathing a bit easier.

don't get me wrong. better does not mean easy in many senses.  we are still quite obviously humans with all the weaknesses and insecurities that we always possess.

I overheard a conversation in the hallway of the lodge today between a boss and a high school work crew girl.  the boss was explaining in no uncertain terms that her attitude needed to change.  I crept by them and quickly ducked into my office.
difficult for all involved. 

I also saw staff people with furrowed brows discussing an unknown situation (to me), clearly trying to sort out a best course of action.
challenging. 

last week, horses and guests (often on said horses, at the time) chose behaviour that boggled brains of the wranglers.
exhausting.

and, changes to our daily schedules continue to pop up causing us to have to flex and adapt far more than we are normally accustomed.  
letting loose of our grip a bit more.

for me, the "better factor" has arisen in relational dynamic settling.
if my community of friends is sound and at peace, I simply have more reserve and resource to tackle all those around me who need me to think on my feet and make things happen.  I expect those who arrive in the summer to work for a month to have requests, suggestions, and expectations that need to be assessed, addressed, and achieved.  I expect them to not completely "get" what is possible with respect to those of us who know the world of our property like the back of our hand.
visitors do not know.
that is ok.
why should they know?
it is when those of us who do know, our core tw family, get at odds with one another that I feel disjointed.
I become adrift.
when we do not communicate well or become frustrated with one another, all goes awry within me.

I am thankful for this realization that the Lord ever reminds me of, especially in the summer here.
I am thankful for the tears from week one that helped me see a window into something amiss.
I am thankful for resolution, clarity, and simply having a bit less unknown that helped week two feel a bit better.

above:  yet again a cobblestone picture in which I find analogy.
I cannot see the whole of the path.
if I look too far ahead, I could very easily twist an ankle in the unevenness of the stony layout.
looks like there has been some rain on this path, as well.
without the rain, the light would not reflect in the puddles, and the parting of the clouds would not be so appreciated.

God is good.
all the time.

cheers,
kb.

I find myself thinking of this place this week more than usual.  yesterday, the 4th of june, was the third anniversary of my leaving this city I called home for three years.  I have now been back in the States as long as I lived abroad.

odd.
as most of you know I am certain if connected to the outside world, jubilee celebrations have been under way lately in london, and this lovely city will also, in a short while, be host of the 2012 olympic games.  exciting times in my fair metropolis across the pond.
I miss it.
I will always miss it.

a friend asked me yesterday, when I told of my anniversary:
"so, do you feel wiser?", a bit jokingly.
after a bit of thought, I replied, "hmmm...not really.", in an matched tone of jest.
(mostly to get a laugh from my audience and to avoid sounding...well, pompous, I suppose.)
it was not a moment for narrative but a moment of quick answer.

if I am completely honest, I do feel a bit wiser.  but not because I lived in this lovely land abroad.
not because of anything to do with me and my keenness or intelligence.
london is, indeed, lovely, but as much as I adore and miss said locale, it is not magical.
God is good, intentional, and sovereign.
london was a place I struggled, lived, and learned, but it is only a place.

sometimes I have to be reminded of this above fact as I have a bit of a romantic side (to say the least).
times such as this anniversary find me all the more idealistic and swimming in the pool of fondness.
God is good, intentional, and sovereign.
it is important for me to keep perspective clear.

oh how changed I am and how more who I am meant to be since my time lived in londontown.
so, this week, I reminisce.
this week, I am thankful.
this week, I remember.
thanks be to God.

cheers,
kb.

work week ends today.  

I actually have the day off, as we have a group arriving tomorrow and I have a last hosting role to fill for the season.  I am thankful both for today and for the upcoming week, as this past week, though full of joy as previously mentioned, has brimmed with energy, chatting, observing, re-entering...

it has been sensory overload in many ways.

I have continuously told myself to breathe. maybe I should practice now... 

{breathe.}

this door not only pleases me aesthetically with its contrast of colours and weathered appearance, but it also reminds me that there is something beyond its wooden frame that is currently a mystery.  it is unknown.  

I am filled with curiosity, excitement, anxiousness, nerves, and eagerness thinking about what lies ahead in the next dozen or so weeks.  

I am challenged to allow it all to happen as it does.  

to accept that I have little control over how life unfolds.  

so why would I choose to hold onto any worry?  

I pray I will remember to breathe, feel, and trust.

trust.  

stay clear.  

stay Close.

be thankful.

trust.

breathe.

(and...repeat)

good thing it is not up to me.  a very good thing.

cheers,

kb.  

work week is in session here at t dubs.
one of my absolute favourite signs that summer is about to begin is depicted above in the fresh mulch which is spread on our paths about camp.
after so many months of snow and heavy winds that blow branches and leaves over our steps and pathways, I absolutely love how a little fresh mulch provides such a groomed, clean appearance.
the lodge is filled literally to the brim with people, and there is never a quiet moment.  it is a stark change from my 9 month often cricket-chirping stillness.
it is taking some adjustment, to be sure.

my 'grandest' feeling at present is one of thankfulness that so many of my sweet friends have returned to their summer home...that I grin and laugh spontaneously thinking of conversations had over meals, in the hallways, or sitting in my office, with this community.

I keep shaking my head gleefully and thanking those around me for being here.
I have owned up to my overly gushy behaviour and simply tell them as they are my friends, they will just have to bear with me for a bit here at the beginning.
I am joyful.  it is difficult to keep this feeling to myself.
and I don't believe I am meant to do so.
with this joy also arrives necessity to breathe and not overdo.
God is faithful and knows how to prepare us for such transitions.
He continues to show me this character trait of His.
not only does He prepare,
but more importantly for me,
He meets me in the midst.
thanks be to God.  so sweet, so loving, so full of grace, so powerfully gentle.

God is good, and so are seasons.

cheers,
kb.

so, strangely enough, this is similar to the scene out my window today.
it snowed literally all day long.  as it is may, the snow was quite wet and has not stuck to the roads to make it treacherous, thankfully.
I suppose when you live at close to 9,000 ft, precipitation is more likely to be in the form of snow rather than rain. just completely bizarre and a bit annoying, if I am honest, though I know we need the moisture for the river this summer.
today and tomorrow are my weekend, as I hosted a group over the proper weekend, so I was given the luxury of sitting with just such a mug sipping coffee and watching movies.  an unexpected gift in the month of may.
mid-morning, I almost leapt out of my chair when I saw movement just in front of my window.  it was a deer.  I could have opened the window and petted it from my sofa.  oh, the wild west.

I am attempting to savour the last few days of quiet before summer officially begins.
do not get me wrong.  I could not be more excited for the beginning of the next season.
absolutely jonesing for it, in fact.
however, if life is always lived in the future, I just might miss out on what purpose might be meant for today.

I wonder what the summer will bring by way of lessons, laughter, and luster.
I can feel the energy surfacing... that spark that becomes so apparent within me when people arrive.
and I am sat thankful, as I anticipate where the Lord will show his love in big and small encounters.
in the words of my brilliant boss...  "it is so good.  so so good!"

cheers, 

kb.

And all things as they change 

proclaim the Lord eternally the same.

~Charles Wesley

transition is difficult.  

no matter how many times you have gone through it.  

no matter how old you are.  

no matter how long you have had a faith.  

no matter.

in this area of life, I find I have become a bit prideful.  I tend to think that since I have weathered a tremendous amount of change in the course of my adult life... moving houses, seeing friends get married and start families, moving towns, working various jobs (some at the same time), leaving people in multiple countries, changing jobs again, re-entering my native country, living in a sleepy mountain town after being in a city of millions that held my heart... 

the list goes on and on and will continue to do so.  

so easily I slip into being cocky about my skills in transitioning from one thing to another, rather than resting in the confidence that "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength". (phil.4.13)  

wait a minute.  

the first seventeen years of my life were spent with very little, very little, change at all.

then, I started my risk-taking journey into my adult life.  

I sort of think of these two portions of my life in a sort of a "the old has gone, the new has come" view, by way of practical, tangible steps.  

when the risks began, I realized faith is in my feet.  

I began to own my belief.

I began to learn "my name".

I began to need to lean into the Lord. 

so when I revert to my default, or my "old", I am reminded that life resides in the risking.  

that I prefer the battle to the comfort.  

I truly do.  because it takes me past myself.  WAY beyond myself.  thanks be to God.

here in lies the tension.

tis not about me, is it?  nope.  

are my feelings real and ok?  of course.

can I navigate it on my own?  maybe.

is it more difficult when I rely on my skills?  absolutely.

how quickly I forget.  

wow.

so, in actuality, reality can be quite the contrary... 

the more times I go through it, 

the older I get, 

and the longer I live with faith, 
the more I need help.  

I need help with the difficulty of change.  

perhaps I struggle a bit less with increase of frequency, number of years, and a deeper knowledge of the character of God, but 

never will I ever arrive.  

never will I not need help.

never will I not need to lean into the Peace.
never.  

today, I am grateful for this reminder.  

thanks be to God that all of this is not up to me.

truly.  

kb.

today, some snapshots that make me happy...

a cool building in boston.

nose in a book... me often.

rainy city.

snoopy on the side of mt. princeton, my current backyard view.

(can you spot him?)

me with my friend mindy on an arkansas leader retreat years ago.

claire modeling her tailor-made mickey ears.

david gray show from the 4th row.  best ever.

claire and dev icing their sore elbows.  

(for some reason, this always makes me laugh...

every day they had to ice after a game, I just kept asking them what their question was and if they would go ahead and ask it.  

oh, I crack myself up.)

asher johnston.  

oh. my. adorable.

vineyards in northern france on a trip to see my friend suz.

the nieces.  pure joy.

micaela making me and claire laugh.

alexis and dev being incredibly humble.

one of my all time faves, courtney.

a pub in nyc. 

(photo captured by my friend, c.j.)

happy last week of april.

cheers,

kb.

grip.
loosen your grip.
I feel like this message keeps swirling about in my head, heart, and well... face in recent weeks.
my friend, michael, with whom I work, talks often about how he believes we are meant to have the goal of "replacing ourselves".  we ought to be training others and setting up systems that could enable our jobs to be done well regardless of whether we are present.
I like this idea.
I see the benefits.
I also see the challenges.
lately, the challenges have been much more in my view (or in my face).  with change running rampant in our midst at work, I seem to be led back often to a place of unclenching my fingers and taking a deep breath.  we are people of routine in my place of work.  we do not change our core schedules often, if ever.
I, of course, for those of you who know me well, find comfort in predictability, as those things I can expect help me have space to be ready to flex with the inevitable and vast chaos that is well...life and people.  so, when the foreseen moves to the side of the "I'm not sure" column, my passionate side emerges all the more, and I try to bulk up the "I can count on this" side of the notebook paper.
I realize in my brain that these attempts to control are futile, of course.
but at these waffling times, my inner 6 year old decides to take the reigns.

eventually, I return to my adult self, and I process the whole list of "I know this" and "I have no idea" in all its crumply, torn college-ruled state and remember that this lesson I have learned time and time again (both foreign and domestic, actually)...
breathe and anchor to what you know.
you have a choice.
always.
choose to sit and spin (throw a childlike fit) wondering "maybe" and "what if"
or
anchor to the things you do know and make progress in those areas.
choose to places that will provide opportunities for victory or choose to feel repeatedly defeated.
I remember that I am not the center of things, nor do I want to be.
so, set others up well, and get out of the way.

so after a time of inner fit throwing, I have moved to the place of loosening my grip.  it is amazing how every time I even let go of one finger hold, the Lord shows up to help me breathe a bit easier.
it is exercise to relax.
at least it is for me, at times.
and I wonder why He called me to live in a sleepy mountain time for awhile.  haha!
silly kiddo am I.
I was telling a friend today how I feel like two thousand and twelve has so far been a year of the Lord sweetly patting my head while chuckling easily, saying "oh, kymmy.  my sweet kiddo..."
(all my family and many of my close friends call me kymmy.)
He is not laughing at me.  he is lovingly putting his arm around me, pulling me in close, and in just those few words and slight chuckle expressing how in control He is of things in my life, and how much He longs to surprise me with "more than I can ask or imagine".
it makes me smile, shake my head, and return the chuckle.  "I know", I reply.  "thank you."

hope your weekend is lovely!
cheers,
kb.
(the picture?  a favourite spot at the place where I get to work.  eager for this stream to begin to flow soon as the weather begins to warm.)

a mews.
when I lived in england, I loved wandering about and dreaming of living one day on a mews.  centuries ago, these cobble-stoned streets which are now filled with cottages and flats, were service streets on the backside of people's homes for entry into their stables.  their horses had residence here alongside their carriages which were, of course, their form of transport.
it has already been repeatedly established in earlier musings, that I have a deep affection for cobble-stoned pathways and streets.  so, it can not be a surprise that I hold this longing to live on a cozy mews someday.
as I looked up the proper history of the mews, I found myself smiling at a memory from when I was younger...
my aunt and uncle have lived in the dallas area for the whole of my life.  when I was growing up, most of our vacations were spent in their company in what I believed to be the "big city".  I remember telling my mom and dad over and over that when I grew up I would live in dallas.  vivid memories dance in my head of trips to the west end to see fudge being made before my eyes, loads of buildings filled with character, and more people than I was accustomed to hustling to and fro.  I was drawn in by all the things to see and absorb in such a place.   my aunt charlotte and uncle jeff, who played host to us and called home this fantastical world of which I am speaking, also always had food in their fridge I had seen in no other house.  they had stories of travel and adventures in places I had never imagined getting to visit.
their house was a fabulous, safe window into the world beyond.  I always felt at home, and being with them is still one of my absolute dearest and most favoured settings.

my aunt and uncle met while they were both spending time overseas.  my aunt charlotte was doing mission work with the journeyman program, and my uncle jeff was in the military.  

is life not so interesting?  as a kid in my adventures to the exotic city of dallas (ha!), had I any idea that I would be travelling to spots beyond my own country?  that I would have the opportunity to taste some of those "different" foods from their fridge in the countries from whence they came?  that for a few days I would wander around the south of france with this aunt (along with another of my aunts and my mom) eating french bread, olives, and cheese taking in the quaint scenery where she and my uncle jeff once lived?
no way.  no way I could have known.

why did I start this story about my aunt and uncle in the metropolis of dallas, tx, and how does it have a thing to do with the mews with which I am so enraptured?
oh, yes.  I have it.
another of the novelties of life in a city such as dallas that for some reason I noticed and questioned my dad incessantly about was that of the secret network of alleyways that wound in and amidst the backside of houses in my aunt and uncle's neighbourhood.  I loved how they seemed like secret passages to places unknown.  
when I think back now, I chuckle at my childlike wonder at something so ordinary that literally only allowed people to get to their garages and put their rubbish out on the curb where it did not have to sit on the front path as an eyesore for all to see.
yet again, could I have predicted that one day I would be able to connect childlike fascination of alleyways and deep devotion of mews?  nope.

as I think of dozens and dozens of mews that are hidden amidst the main streets I frequented in my home city abroad, I do see them as lovely hidden pathways that add to the cozy factor and quaint history of the city.  a city can so often be thought of as a concrete jungle filled with impersonal high-storied structures full of anonymity and coldness.  and, yes, that is certainly a piece of the structure of any urban area.
however, if you look closely enough, oftentimes in the cities I have grown to love, you can find a bit of cozy amidst all the concrete.  I believe this is one of the reasons I absolutely adore a city such as london or a new fave, boston.  we visited charleston, s.c. this past autumn, and it held much of this intersection, as well.  old and new combine to allow for character and convenience.
ahhh...lovely.  thanks to the designers of historical cities for retaining the old while advancing toward the new.  aesthetic is important to this girl to engage the heart in the midst of such practicality and systematic leanings of the head.  surroundings definitely have an effect.

as the days pass, I continue to be blessed, humbled, comforted, and touched by how we do not become entirely different people in our affections, preferences, and tendencies.  I feel like we simply (and profoundly) have those desires and likings fanned, expanded, and revealed.
for me, it brings to life Scriptures that speak of each of us being knit together and being known down to each hair on our heads.  (psalm 139.13; matthew 10.30)  we were created on and with purpose.
how personal is our God.  
beautiful.

sadly, I could not find a brilliant photo of this favourite mews of mine called elgin mews south, but I wanted to show you at least a glimpse of a secret alley pathway I walked past so often in london.
this mews sits very near maida vale tube station on randolph road, just around the corner from where my dear friend, claire, lived.  (if you remember, I lived for a bit with claire's family.)
ok, enough reminiscing and daydreaming for now.

I hope your current aesthetic provides an environment of cozy character this week.
cheers,
kb.

what I love about this photo? 
mugs which can hold coffee or tea. 
stacks of books that have or have not been read, as I have many a stack such as this around my abode.  these particular mugs have been doodled upon with a porcelain pen that I am now in a quest for purchasing. 
I have little artistic ability in the way of drawing.  my brother is naturally gifted in this area and well...in many others. as I like to create with words, I have often desired to add some visuals alongside.
I can doodle, though.
also I have a bit of a mug addiction.  (I think I get it from my mom.)
some days when I need something new and am trying not to spend dosh, I pop down to our local thrift store and buy a "new" mug for 50 cents.  delight. 
so, this kind of art above makes me happy as it personalizes these coffee containers and is abstract.
I got a postcard in the mail from my friend, abby, this morning when I arrived at work. 
her words... "I miss fighting with you over the best coffee mug." 
just made me happy and led me to this simple post. 
simple is good.  life is complicated.  small joys are key. 
drink a hot cup of coffee in a fun mug today.  it just might increase the size of your smile. 
I am toasting you from colorado, I assure you.
cheers,
kb.

last year during the season of Lent, a podcast I listen to used this graphic.
I saved it, as it reminds me of what this season is about and what to expect in a way, I suppose.
these past few months have been a bit chaotic in my immediate world of work and life, which quite frankly bleed into one another more often than not.
in some way, this above visual reminds me to not expect all to be easy, light, or understandable.
 it reminds me that this world is broken, and that we are being pruned and refined.
 it reminds me that I am ok and that I know Who wins.

it also reminds me of the curtain being torn giving us open access to conversation and connection with the Lord where it was not allowed prior to that friday.
(mark. 15.38.)
it reminds me that Jesus gets it...no matter what "it"is in each of our worlds.
He gets it.  (hebrews 4.15)

my friend, jesse, posted a beautiful song this weekend on her blog.
 I, too, love the words, and how it paints a picture of how deep the love of Christ is for us.
(click here...)  beautiful scandalous night.

another song pops into my head...

how deep the Father's love for us,

how vast beyond all measure

that He should give His only Son

to make a wretch His treasure

how great the pain of searing loss,

the Father turns His face away

as wounds with mar he chosen One

bring many sons to glory

behold the Man upon a cross,

my sin upon His shoulders

ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

call out among the scoffers

it was my sin that held Him there,

until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

no gifts, no power, no wisdom 

but I will boast in Jesus Christ

his death and resurrection

why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

but this I know with all my heart

his wounds have paid my ransom.

{stuart townend}

thanks be to Jesus.

and then, tomorrow, after what quite literally must have been the longest weekend ever...

on that sunday...

He kept His promise.  (matthew 28.6)  

so, I think it appropriate to maybe sing a song such as this...

my word, this makes me joyful.  I love a choir.  goodness!

enjoy!

kirk franklin...hosanna.

oh happy day! (one more...) oh happy day...aretha.

kb.

many of my friends who live both abroad and domestically are here for the next week or so.  greece.
they are a part of the annual spring break service project that I was a part of for three years when I lived in london.  international school kids all gather for young life camp to serve for a week. 
the Lord literally boggles my brain with how small the world is.  boggles.
many of my friends from here, yes, buena vista, co, are there right now preparing to welcome those international kids to "the best week of their lives".  in my wildest imaginings, I would not have been able to predict that dear friends on international staff would now be sharing experiences with my bueni friends. 
what?!  if you need evidence of how BIG the Lord is and at the same time incredibly INTIMATE,
there you go. 

my role this time around is to be a sender.  I am honoured and blessed to be still a part of this team, just in a different role.  honoured and blessed.  thankful.  I cannot wait to hear story after story upon their return.
today, I found my friend, ben's, blog as he is chronicling their journey.  my word, he is funny! 
I think you  might enjoy...
greece...day 1.
as you read, say a prayer for them, if you think about it.  a big piece of my heart is with them... 
cheers,
kb.

the more days that I live, the more often I find myself in situations and conversations where words fail.
words lead me at times to a place of "fix-it".  people (myself included) need/desire more of a presence than a would-be "solution" so often.
what a difficulty to allow for space for the Spirit to do His work.
wow.  so difficult.

one of the places where I constantly feel "met" is in a loss of words.  as I love to sort out, analyse, and explain, when my head and heart cease to find a description, narrative, or conclusion, I move toward silent support.  I think the Lord may be most pleased when I choose this path...
to simply love through presence and fewer words like "I know." or "I am here for you."

I feel like when I get to the end of my understanding, I am more prone to simplify.
I am more apt to move toward acting on the what I DO know in the midst of all else I do not...
love is always a good choice.
so, the Lord leads me to a place of asking not for understanding of the situation so much as for a tangible way to express love to those involved.
funny how asking this second question frees my mind and heart, leading me nearer to peace...
"love never fails..."  (one corinthians 13.8).

kb.

last week:  laura and me.

so last week I went skiing.  why is this noteworthy, you might think, as I live in colorado (and have done for almost 2 years now)?  well, those two days I spent on the slopes happen to be the first two I have experienced since my move to the rocky mountain region.  actually, those two days were the first venture onto skis in some 8 or 9 years.  and, this trip was the first time I have been with friends and not with young life kids.  I went down more runs in the first morning than I did in the whole of the three day trips I took back then, I am certain.  I spent more time then trying to find my girls or standing in the line at the ski rental to rent an additional pair of skis for one of my girls who somehow only got ONE of her skis on the bus when told to load up at camp for the slopes.  how is it possible to not notice you got two poles and only one ski?
oh, megan...  makes me laugh remembering.

  my girls and I on my that last yl ski trip I took, years ago...

(from left to right- therese, MEGAN, me, sara, and ellen.)

I would not have traded a minute of those yl trips, from bus ride to colorado to bus ride home to arkansas, sweetness abounded.

skiing with focus on my surroundings and my skill (elementary, as it may be) was a nice experience, though.  spring is the time to ski, in my opinion.  I would have like to have a bit more powder and less icy conditions, to be sure.  but, my word, the weather was gorgeous.  (and no worries of icy roads to navigate to get to the mountain...a major bonus!)

I felt like I was in a picture that a small child had drawn...
the sky was the bluest, truest blue.
the evergreens were ever so green.
the clouds puffy and simpson-like.
the sun illuminating the snow to make it pristinely white.
crisp, cool air that only the mountains can provide.

a lovely time, all in all.

so, the first picture shows another encounter of delight I happened upon while on the mountain.
my friend, laura, who I used to work with years ago at an advertising agency in arkansas, happened to be at monarch with her kids' youth group for spring break.
laura is one of those friends who is simply fun.  she is full of joy and life.  she and I can sit and chat about real things and nothing at all for hours.
she makes me laugh.  oh, how she makes me laugh.
we always pick up right where we left off regardless of how much time has past.
delight!

hope your weekend is joyful with fun friends and laughter.  I know I can never get enough.
cheers,
kb.

one of the gifts I have been given is the ability to connect with people.  I am endlessly intrigued by people and their stories.  people can never be completely understood or predicted which, on the flip side, also frustrates me at times. 

therein lies the beauty.  what I love the most I can never understand entirely.  

my eyes smile just thinking about this complexity. 

as seems to be a pattern, our greatest gifts can quickly become our greatest weaknesses.  in my desire to learn about people, I have been known to step into an ocean and lose sight of the land where I have a firm foundation. (see above plea.)  

I find this predicament of swimming with no clear direction to be helped along both by the person who invited me into the water and myself who clearly chose to become immersed.  

as I can only speak for myself, I see myself having control of how far I get away from shore.  

I always have a choice.  

I could  roll up my jeans and wade in to get a glimpse into the person's narrative, all the time being aware of the ground beneath my feet, knowing when I need to retreat to keep from being pulled in by the tide. I could also jump in with reckless abandon and flail about becoming saturated, looking like an exhausted, drenched, mess of my self.  

much of my life, I have chosen the latter option thinking that anything less that immersion communicated less than a loving friend.  where I got that notion I know not, but after a few near drownings, I have learned to be a bit more emotionally shore-based.  

the thing is, when I jump in with both feet with utter disregard of my own personal caution flags that say "beware of sharks!" or "high tide!", I get lost.  how can I discern where that person ends and I begin?  if I am not anchored in some way, I will float away.

ok, enough with the metaphor...

I do not have a natural sense of direction.  I have to study, get lost, and find my way again in order to remember the way.  but once I have been lost there, I am deeply aware of the correct path when I find myself in that same locale. (wow, it is difficult to avoid metaphor, isn't it?) 

thanks be to God.

many a relationship with a friend has found me overly attached and therefore lost, my actions being rationalized and defended under the umbrella of being a loving friend.  I like feeling needed.  plain and simple.  

while I have been in buena vista during this season, the Lord clearly has had truths he wants to root within me as an anchor.  

love is a very complex entity.  to do it properly, I must know who I am. 

I must stay clear on that fact above all knowledge of people. 

the only way for me to know who I am is to "bind my wandering heart to Thee".  

(first commandment for a reason.)  

I have spoken before about the word "impression" (see earlier post).  I need to be spending the majority of my time with those people who know themselves in this afore mentioned way, so that I might do the same.  I get lost too easily to be in the midst of any other community.  

I actually have a running list of things that constitute me "knowing my name".  I highly recommend it.  when I find myself drifting, which I believe will always be a struggle to some degree in my life, as my gifting is "knit together" within me, I read my list.  

I list silly things and serious things.  

you want examples?  ok. 

              I have a sincere devotion for t-shirts and jeans.  

              I emulate more than I innovate.

              I find it difficult to answer a question with a simple 'yes' or 'no'.

              I feel empowered by information.

              I love rain and cities...and rain in cities.

              I connect and am enlivened by kiddos.

it makes me smile, as I am reminded that I am both simple and complex.

ever thought about making a list?  

a side effect for me of keeping a firmer footing has been less people in my day-to-day life.  perhaps this state of being is for a season, but I have a feeling it is more of a permanent reality.  it has turned out to be healthier to scale down the number of "deep" encounters to ensure I do not drown.  

and, yes, loneliness can be present with this choice.  

another side effect?  clearheadedness.  I have to read my list less, as I am in tune with myself a bit more, and I have more to give and receive when encounters with people occur.  

said interactions appear to be on purpose rather than created by my own doing.  

as a woman who has been taught/encouraged to lead and pursue in a full time ministry context for most of my adult life, it can be difficult to switch off and allow any connection to happen naturally.  

I am thankful for my leadership skills.  I am also thankful for my gifts.  

more and more, I am thankful for the Lord's prompting for me to give both of these things over to Him to utilize as He sees fit, asking me to breathe and allow Him to go before, waiting for the sign to engage and connect.  

don't believe the random. (see earlier post for clarity of my passion for this phrase.)

buena vista, colorado is exactly the locale where I have needed (and currently need) to be to see this proper order of action in regard to this gifting He has given me. 

thanks be to God for both the gift of grace (ephesians 3.7) and the pursuit of peace (psalm 34.14). 

jason mraz and james morrison are two of my favourite artists. jason possesses a deep talent for turn of phrase and note, as well as an incredible voice... talk about using your gifts well.  james is a brit with loads of soul.  the fact that they combined their talents to sing a poignant song delights me.

details in the fabric.mraz/morrison

this week I was chatting with my friend, beth, about cheese.  not the tasty dairy product that goes with nearly every food well but the word used in reference to corny, sentimental, schmaltzy things.  my friend mentioned Christian radio...how cheesy the music sounds at times but how much the words speak to her heart. as she explained, it occurred to me that within the "cheesy", I can also find truth, safety, purity, and ease.  michael w. smith takes me back to my years in junior high when my faith was beginning to be formed.  I remember listening to this song in college when I found myself in a time of potential drifting.

I know your name.m.w.smith.

ephesians 3.16-19...
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

cheers,
kb.

have you ever seen the show "Outnumbered" by chance?
oddly enough, I did not happen upon it until I had returned to the States from the UK.  truly, these kids (writers of the show) are ridiculously hilarious.
watch these clips below.
then, watch a few more that pop up on the side of its youtube page.
I hope these clips makes you laugh as much as they do me.
I literally cannot breathe while watching these kids at times.
awkward questions about Jesus...
girls can't throw.

happy laughing sunday!
kb.

how beautiful is this image?  standing still, or perhaps we could say 'ceasing to strive', and allowing...
yes, letting the present be the present.  taking it all in.  (psalm 46.10)

today I reconnected with a friend from a few years back.  a friend I spent only a bit of time with here and there over a couple of summers.  she shared with me a snapshot of her life in recent days, and her story told of interwoven, intentional moments both within her heart, desires being revealed, and moments encountered externally through conversations with those around her.  all of these afore mentioned seemingly random tidbits have been pieced together, on purpose, to show her a next step.  specifically, a summer in colorado for my friend!
as we chatted on the phone, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to hear and be reminded that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"(rom. 8.28)...even when we are unaware.  I was certainly in the dark about how the Lord had gone before me to prepare my friend for my simple ask to be in colorado this summer to do a bit of videography.  

honestly, I feel like most of the time we are blissfully unaware.  a blessing to be sure, as I am certain pride would rear its head in ugly ways.
the first few words of that verse above are, "and we know".  oh how often I forget.
may there be more days that "I know"...that I root into and anchor onto that utter truth of God's perspective, hand, and overwhelming goodness.
don't believe the "random".
kb.

"with the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, 

the wisdom of God to plan it, 

and the power of God to achieve it, 

what do we lack?

surely, we are the most favoured of all creatures."

a.w. tozer.