And all things as they change 

proclaim the Lord eternally the same.

~Charles Wesley

transition is difficult.  

no matter how many times you have gone through it.  

no matter how old you are.  

no matter how long you have had a faith.  

no matter.

in this area of life, I find I have become a bit prideful.  I tend to think that since I have weathered a tremendous amount of change in the course of my adult life... moving houses, seeing friends get married and start families, moving towns, working various jobs (some at the same time), leaving people in multiple countries, changing jobs again, re-entering my native country, living in a sleepy mountain town after being in a city of millions that held my heart... 

the list goes on and on and will continue to do so.  

so easily I slip into being cocky about my skills in transitioning from one thing to another, rather than resting in the confidence that "I can do all this through Him who gives me strength". (phil.4.13)  

wait a minute.  

the first seventeen years of my life were spent with very little, very little, change at all.

then, I started my risk-taking journey into my adult life.  

I sort of think of these two portions of my life in a sort of a "the old has gone, the new has come" view, by way of practical, tangible steps.  

when the risks began, I realized faith is in my feet.  

I began to own my belief.

I began to learn "my name".

I began to need to lean into the Lord. 

so when I revert to my default, or my "old", I am reminded that life resides in the risking.  

that I prefer the battle to the comfort.  

I truly do.  because it takes me past myself.  WAY beyond myself.  thanks be to God.

here in lies the tension.

tis not about me, is it?  nope.  

are my feelings real and ok?  of course.

can I navigate it on my own?  maybe.

is it more difficult when I rely on my skills?  absolutely.

how quickly I forget.  

wow.

so, in actuality, reality can be quite the contrary... 

the more times I go through it, 

the older I get, 

and the longer I live with faith, 
the more I need help.  

I need help with the difficulty of change.  

perhaps I struggle a bit less with increase of frequency, number of years, and a deeper knowledge of the character of God, but 

never will I ever arrive.  

never will I not need help.

never will I not need to lean into the Peace.
never.  

today, I am grateful for this reminder.  

thanks be to God that all of this is not up to me.

truly.  

kb.