grip.
loosen your grip.
I feel like this message keeps swirling about in my head, heart, and well... face in recent weeks.
my friend, michael, with whom I work, talks often about how he believes we are meant to have the goal of "replacing ourselves".  we ought to be training others and setting up systems that could enable our jobs to be done well regardless of whether we are present.
I like this idea.
I see the benefits.
I also see the challenges.
lately, the challenges have been much more in my view (or in my face).  with change running rampant in our midst at work, I seem to be led back often to a place of unclenching my fingers and taking a deep breath.  we are people of routine in my place of work.  we do not change our core schedules often, if ever.
I, of course, for those of you who know me well, find comfort in predictability, as those things I can expect help me have space to be ready to flex with the inevitable and vast chaos that is well...life and people.  so, when the foreseen moves to the side of the "I'm not sure" column, my passionate side emerges all the more, and I try to bulk up the "I can count on this" side of the notebook paper.
I realize in my brain that these attempts to control are futile, of course.
but at these waffling times, my inner 6 year old decides to take the reigns.

eventually, I return to my adult self, and I process the whole list of "I know this" and "I have no idea" in all its crumply, torn college-ruled state and remember that this lesson I have learned time and time again (both foreign and domestic, actually)...
breathe and anchor to what you know.
you have a choice.
always.
choose to sit and spin (throw a childlike fit) wondering "maybe" and "what if"
or
anchor to the things you do know and make progress in those areas.
choose to places that will provide opportunities for victory or choose to feel repeatedly defeated.
I remember that I am not the center of things, nor do I want to be.
so, set others up well, and get out of the way.

so after a time of inner fit throwing, I have moved to the place of loosening my grip.  it is amazing how every time I even let go of one finger hold, the Lord shows up to help me breathe a bit easier.
it is exercise to relax.
at least it is for me, at times.
and I wonder why He called me to live in a sleepy mountain time for awhile.  haha!
silly kiddo am I.
I was telling a friend today how I feel like two thousand and twelve has so far been a year of the Lord sweetly patting my head while chuckling easily, saying "oh, kymmy.  my sweet kiddo..."
(all my family and many of my close friends call me kymmy.)
He is not laughing at me.  he is lovingly putting his arm around me, pulling me in close, and in just those few words and slight chuckle expressing how in control He is of things in my life, and how much He longs to surprise me with "more than I can ask or imagine".
it makes me smile, shake my head, and return the chuckle.  "I know", I reply.  "thank you."

hope your weekend is lovely!
cheers,
kb.
(the picture?  a favourite spot at the place where I get to work.  eager for this stream to begin to flow soon as the weather begins to warm.)