today (yes, today-once a YL leader, always a YL leader),
I got a job.
a full-time, benefits provided, job.
thanks be to God.
my quest for a regular 'something' to pay my bills and provide a predictable financial existence began long before my move to new england. I have applied for loads of postings, ads, and listings. a little over six months later...
today, I received an offer.
and, I accepted.
I begin work in a little over a week, and life will ease into a more consistent routine.
I will know how to plan life in the fiscal and the friend aspects. it is still surreal.
wow, am I thankful.
all. the. time.
the last post of a movie poster may have been brief, but it was purposeful. I stumbled upon this film on netflix the other week and decided to give it a go. I knew it was of the independent nature and likely contained real life story, drama, and potentially an ending that did not end leaving me warm and fuzzy.
I adore this type of film.
truly, I do.
much like real life, they seem to be at times.
they cause me to feel.
most times, I am inspired to create: write, play my guitar, read, etc.
however, I also know myself fairly well.
I have learned that I need to choose the proper time of day and state of being to watch said genre in order to gain the maximum depth, poignancy, and...well, maintain health.
this one ended happily, in fact. and it has been added to a list of my favourites.
context is deeply important to our preferences, I find. perhaps this film with its simplicity, struggle, and situation creates a connection to my current state due to similarities shared.
my dad and I have chatted numerous times on the topic of sharing one's passions/preferences with others.
you read a book and then feel a compulsion to buy 25 copies to pass out to your friends, completely assured that just as this author has reshaped your thinking about a topic or deeply affirmed your belief system, he will absolutely do the same for all the people you know.
you hear a song that elates you or moves you to tears with meaning and you post the video in 15 friends' inboxes telling them they must listen, feeling certain the same emotions will be emitted from your intimates who align with you so frequently in their inklings.
no one comments.
no one affirms.
no one shares your opinion.
in the words of my friend, stacey, "WHHHAAAAT?!"
how on EARTH could you have NOT been affected in the same profound way as I?
the afternoon has found me watching various TEDtalks. I could literally sit for hours soaking up so many of these informative videos.
one I just finished pertained to storytelling, one of my absolute favourite pastimes. stories impact and impress upon us largely based on context, yes? if we do not feel a connection to the tale due to a commonality or a general liking toward the teller, we tune out. or at least I do.
have you seen the movie, 'catch and release'?
the plot follows jennifer garner and timothy olyphant (or their characters, gray and fritz, rather) in their slow, tumultuous, and unlikely building of intimacy.
one scene depicts them making a late night snack in the kitchen.
gray asks fritz if he has ever been close to getting married.
he replies in the negative.
she then asks, "aren't you lonely?"
fritz: "right now?... no."
gray: "no, I mean, in general. who do you tell your stories to?"
fritz: "I guess I keep them to myself."
gray: "that's a tragedy."
fritz: "wanna hear a story? I got a good one. guy goes to a funeral..."
this small interchange speaks volumes. as a female, I innately understand gray's perspective and line of questioning. fritz's language both verbal and non, speaks to how this newfound affinity toward gray makes storytelling more appealing, important, if not compulsory.
context matters in connection.
so, I suppose all of this musing helps me come to grips with my impact filled, life-changing encounters with music, writing, film, etc. not shaking the earth of every person with whom I am acquainted.
in fact, in some ways it adds to its uniqueness. to my uniqueness.
just my frame of reference.
or I guess I could say, my context.
so, I hope you watch 'the giant mechanical man' and enjoy it.
but if you don't do either?
and...if you watch it, like it, and want to analyze all of its charms, let me know. haha.
living in the south and perhaps more notably, in the YL leadership community, one gets in the habit of "sharing your story" within the first 10 minutes of meeting a new person. ok, that timeframe of divulgence is not always so short, but honestly, you would be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't depending on your own story) how often this has happened to me.
my feeling about this seemingly automatic vulnerability span the spectrum from
'I don't even remember your name. why would I give you insights into my soul?' to 'it feels so refreshing to be able to open up and share', and every spot in between these two extremes.
new england feels a bit more like jolly ol' england, to me.
seems apropos, yes?
I mean to say, the expectation I have formed over the years of 'nice to meet you. here is my biography...' in most social settings is highly uncommon in my recent interactions. and, I like it.
I feel I can breathe into the silence and small talk.
bite sized pieces contributes to my health in a positive way.
I find people lately to be authentic, forthcoming, and mysterious.
my brain and heart are engaged.
I like it.
people are full of shyness, walls, vulnerability, passion, wit, and character.
these attributes showing themselves bit by bit helps me develop patience, perseverance, and poignant encounters.
people are so unique.
and in general, we are the same.
"the same, but a bit different."
part of the country, nationality, community, etc. all influence us.
we are, and continue to be, a compilation of what we are taught and what we have caught in our specific and varied narratives.
such a lovely, tragic, dynamic, multi-layered story, humanity is.
I strive to appreciate and breathe into what one poet describes life to be...
"a beautiful mess".