one of the gifts I have been given is the ability to connect with people.  I am endlessly intrigued by people and their stories.  people can never be completely understood or predicted which, on the flip side, also frustrates me at times. 

therein lies the beauty.  what I love the most I can never understand entirely.  

my eyes smile just thinking about this complexity. 

as seems to be a pattern, our greatest gifts can quickly become our greatest weaknesses.  in my desire to learn about people, I have been known to step into an ocean and lose sight of the land where I have a firm foundation. (see above plea.)  

I find this predicament of swimming with no clear direction to be helped along both by the person who invited me into the water and myself who clearly chose to become immersed.  

as I can only speak for myself, I see myself having control of how far I get away from shore.  

I always have a choice.  

I could  roll up my jeans and wade in to get a glimpse into the person's narrative, all the time being aware of the ground beneath my feet, knowing when I need to retreat to keep from being pulled in by the tide. I could also jump in with reckless abandon and flail about becoming saturated, looking like an exhausted, drenched, mess of my self.  

much of my life, I have chosen the latter option thinking that anything less that immersion communicated less than a loving friend.  where I got that notion I know not, but after a few near drownings, I have learned to be a bit more emotionally shore-based.  

the thing is, when I jump in with both feet with utter disregard of my own personal caution flags that say "beware of sharks!" or "high tide!", I get lost.  how can I discern where that person ends and I begin?  if I am not anchored in some way, I will float away.

ok, enough with the metaphor...

I do not have a natural sense of direction.  I have to study, get lost, and find my way again in order to remember the way.  but once I have been lost there, I am deeply aware of the correct path when I find myself in that same locale. (wow, it is difficult to avoid metaphor, isn't it?) 

thanks be to God.

many a relationship with a friend has found me overly attached and therefore lost, my actions being rationalized and defended under the umbrella of being a loving friend.  I like feeling needed.  plain and simple.  

while I have been in buena vista during this season, the Lord clearly has had truths he wants to root within me as an anchor.  

love is a very complex entity.  to do it properly, I must know who I am. 

I must stay clear on that fact above all knowledge of people. 

the only way for me to know who I am is to "bind my wandering heart to Thee".  

(first commandment for a reason.)  

I have spoken before about the word "impression" (see earlier post).  I need to be spending the majority of my time with those people who know themselves in this afore mentioned way, so that I might do the same.  I get lost too easily to be in the midst of any other community.  

I actually have a running list of things that constitute me "knowing my name".  I highly recommend it.  when I find myself drifting, which I believe will always be a struggle to some degree in my life, as my gifting is "knit together" within me, I read my list.  

I list silly things and serious things.  

you want examples?  ok. 

              I have a sincere devotion for t-shirts and jeans.  

              I emulate more than I innovate.

              I find it difficult to answer a question with a simple 'yes' or 'no'.

              I feel empowered by information.

              I love rain and cities...and rain in cities.

              I connect and am enlivened by kiddos.

it makes me smile, as I am reminded that I am both simple and complex.

ever thought about making a list?  

a side effect for me of keeping a firmer footing has been less people in my day-to-day life.  perhaps this state of being is for a season, but I have a feeling it is more of a permanent reality.  it has turned out to be healthier to scale down the number of "deep" encounters to ensure I do not drown.  

and, yes, loneliness can be present with this choice.  

another side effect?  clearheadedness.  I have to read my list less, as I am in tune with myself a bit more, and I have more to give and receive when encounters with people occur.  

said interactions appear to be on purpose rather than created by my own doing.  

as a woman who has been taught/encouraged to lead and pursue in a full time ministry context for most of my adult life, it can be difficult to switch off and allow any connection to happen naturally.  

I am thankful for my leadership skills.  I am also thankful for my gifts.  

more and more, I am thankful for the Lord's prompting for me to give both of these things over to Him to utilize as He sees fit, asking me to breathe and allow Him to go before, waiting for the sign to engage and connect.  

don't believe the random. (see earlier post for clarity of my passion for this phrase.)

buena vista, colorado is exactly the locale where I have needed (and currently need) to be to see this proper order of action in regard to this gifting He has given me. 

thanks be to God for both the gift of grace (ephesians 3.7) and the pursuit of peace (psalm 34.14). 

jason mraz and james morrison are two of my favourite artists. jason possesses a deep talent for turn of phrase and note, as well as an incredible voice... talk about using your gifts well.  james is a brit with loads of soul.  the fact that they combined their talents to sing a poignant song delights me.

details in the fabric.mraz/morrison

this week I was chatting with my friend, beth, about cheese.  not the tasty dairy product that goes with nearly every food well but the word used in reference to corny, sentimental, schmaltzy things.  my friend mentioned Christian radio...how cheesy the music sounds at times but how much the words speak to her heart. as she explained, it occurred to me that within the "cheesy", I can also find truth, safety, purity, and ease.  michael w. smith takes me back to my years in junior high when my faith was beginning to be formed.  I remember listening to this song in college when I found myself in a time of potential drifting.

I know your name.m.w.smith.

ephesians 3.16-19...
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

cheers,
kb.

have you ever seen the show "Outnumbered" by chance?
oddly enough, I did not happen upon it until I had returned to the States from the UK.  truly, these kids (writers of the show) are ridiculously hilarious.
watch these clips below.
then, watch a few more that pop up on the side of its youtube page.
I hope these clips makes you laugh as much as they do me.
I literally cannot breathe while watching these kids at times.
awkward questions about Jesus...
girls can't throw.

happy laughing sunday!
kb.

how beautiful is this image?  standing still, or perhaps we could say 'ceasing to strive', and allowing...
yes, letting the present be the present.  taking it all in.  (psalm 46.10)

today I reconnected with a friend from a few years back.  a friend I spent only a bit of time with here and there over a couple of summers.  she shared with me a snapshot of her life in recent days, and her story told of interwoven, intentional moments both within her heart, desires being revealed, and moments encountered externally through conversations with those around her.  all of these afore mentioned seemingly random tidbits have been pieced together, on purpose, to show her a next step.  specifically, a summer in colorado for my friend!
as we chatted on the phone, I was overwhelmed with thankfulness to hear and be reminded that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"(rom. 8.28)...even when we are unaware.  I was certainly in the dark about how the Lord had gone before me to prepare my friend for my simple ask to be in colorado this summer to do a bit of videography.  

honestly, I feel like most of the time we are blissfully unaware.  a blessing to be sure, as I am certain pride would rear its head in ugly ways.
the first few words of that verse above are, "and we know".  oh how often I forget.
may there be more days that "I know"...that I root into and anchor onto that utter truth of God's perspective, hand, and overwhelming goodness.
don't believe the "random".
kb.

"with the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, 

the wisdom of God to plan it, 

and the power of God to achieve it, 

what do we lack?

surely, we are the most favoured of all creatures."

a.w. tozer.

my word, this beat makes me happy.

bernhoft-c'mon talk.

thanks, lana, for finding this and passing it along.
kb.

on tuesday, I will return to "the most magical place on Earth".  

I went to disney world for the first time with my mom, dad, and older brother when I was around seven.  I remember little other than wearing a red poncho the greater part of the week and eating ice cream on a stick in the shape of mickey mouse.  

(sidenote:  I am so thankful for my family who loves acting like kids.  chad and heather (my brother and sister-in-law) went to disney world every year in the early years of their marriage.  they have pictures of the two of them with mickey and minnie dressed in literally every outfit that exists in every "land" within the disney world parks.  I do not exaggerate with this statement.  the photo albums are hilarious, and they look ridiculously happy, arms swung around the two plush characters.  

they were at disney world on sept. 11th and had to be evacuated, actually.  eerie.)

thankfully, the mission of young life is 1. staff-wise, way too big to gather at any other venue other than a place las vegas (and I do not see that ever happening.) and b.  clearly injected with fun at its core.  

next week marks the third venture to the young life all staff conference for me.  I feel blessed to have been invited to attend in what will be three distinctly different divisions...mississippi valley (field staff in arkansas), international north (field staff in london), and now colorado camping (property staff at trail west lodge).  somehow in all my stints on and off staff, I have managed to be ON when one of these massive events rolls around.  

ok, to the fun.  the above photo was snapped by a friend 4 years ago.  clearly, you can see the utter childlike joy that I am in the midst of as I spin ridiculously fast on the tea cups.  yes, the tea cups.  

on the inside, I am 6 years old.  I would so prefer to spin than to drop.  roller coasters?  sometimes.  

I close my eyes the entire time.  I think the drop portion is just a bit too realistic, like turbulence in an airplane.  

how often do you spin like a maniac in real life?  it just makes you dizzy, and you cannot help but laugh.  pure joy.  I also have a special skill for maximizing the spin.  (we all have gifts.)  

much talk in the office this past week about how we feel about the upcoming florida time.  anxiousness hovers over the sheer amount of people who will all be in the same space, roughly 4,000.  excitement ensues about reuniting with old friends.  eagerness and anticipation co-mingle for warm weather and relaxation.  

I feel all of the afore mentioned, to be sure.  not to mention the prospective giddiness involved in more tea cup spinning...

as I ready by packing my luggage this weekend, I strive to unpack my brain, so full of all expectations, hopes, and potentials.  my sweet friend, clare, made a poignant statement in regard to this gathering the other night (thanks to carls for sharing it with us)... 

"what we know we can count on is for God to show up."  

so rooted in truth is that statement.  so my prayer for this next week at our "celebration" is one of expectation to be aware of Presence.  

perhaps, this week will help deepen said awareness in day-to-day life, as well.  

here's to warmth, laughter, being 6 years old, and breathing deep!

cheers,

kb.

today I spend my day off sipping coffee and contemplating/exploring new possibilities.
I find my mind remembering a journal entry I wrote this past november.
the key word of this chronicle...
adventure.

adventure |adˈven ch ər; əd-|

noun

an unusual and exciting, typically hazardous, experience or activity : her recent adventures in Italy.

• daring and exciting activity calling for enterprise and enthusiasm : she traveled the world in search of adventure | a sense of adventure.

the past year and a half, I have been on retreat.  yes, that is the most apt way of describing this time in the mountains, I would think.  retreat in the sense that it has been easy or without hurt, frustration, drama, or lessons?  of course not.  as long as we are breathing, life creeps in, no matter what the locale, number of people in your day to day, or level of noise in your surroundings.
however, for all intents and purposes, I have unplugged from the "typical" hustle and bustle of life that the majority of us are accustomed to with social schedules, classes or work to catch up on, phone calls to return, etc.
firstly, let me say that I am immensely thankful for the quiet I have been gifted with here in my little mountain town.  its slower pace has allowed me to breathe.  I had no idea how long it had been since I just focussed on being in my world of ministry, relationship juggling, and moving.
seasons are on purpose.  "a time for everything..."
even kevin bacon would tell you that...(sidenote:  really?  we needed a re-make?  really?!  no.)
ecclesiastes 3.

I feel a new season approaching, and as the Lord cannot betray his nature, he is being faithful to continue to affirm this leading.  I have no definites yet.  the practicals have not been revealed...yet.
but, I know a change is on the horizon, and I am excited about the next adventure.

I am on the cusp of re-engaging into a space to once again utilize gifts that I have known needed to be dormant for a time.
my head feels clear, which is no small feat as those of you who know me well can testify. (God is big.  God is intimate.)
I cannot remember leaving a place/job being in a healthy state (in my adult life).  exhaustion and absolute necessity have been my indicators in the past...a sense of desperation for change.
I do not feel desperate.
I feel ready, eager, and excited.

I do realize that I am being quite vague, but as I research, explore, wait, and pray for the pieces to fit together, I feel compelled to stay active in keeping record of the continuing movement.  also, for those of you who still take the time to read this blog after so many years of my journey here and abroad, it blesses me to know you are walking alongside me in some way, cheering me onward.

I adore this word above.  holds within it such empowerment, confidence, and ability.  

may your tuesday be filled with moments of personal victory.  

cheers,

kb.

my word, I am laughing just thinking about these two videos of ridiculousness...
click on the two links below.
firstly, jimmy fallon and kristin wiig, does it get any better?  truly.

1920's Holiday Party
don't make me sing...don't make me dance!

secondly, I must preface this by saying that I have decided to learn a new language.  I have a fair aptitude and retention for language, in general, so I thought I would try my hand in the new year.  (when I lived overseas, I decided I wanted to learn EVERY language of EVERY country I visited.  ridiculous, as I visited places like turkey and bulgaria.  yep, there is a huge opportunity to keep those up in my day-to-day life.  well, what can I say... I get excited about learning, new cultures, and further ability to relate to people.)  ultimately, I decided on french. as I foresee most of my future travel being european, I thought I might just have a shot at retaining a bit of what I learn.  I ordered rosetta stone.  I have talked about doing so for ages, so I have now taken action.    so far, I love it!  not a lot going on in my sleepy colorado town this time of year, so I have plenty of time to work on it.  I also sort of love school.  I know.  I have just gotten really real and vulnerable by acknowledging that publicly, but it happens to be true.  (perhaps I am getting back into the groove for events to come... hmmm... stay tuned...)
when I told my friend, cat, that I was on this quest, she sent me this link.
for anyone who has learned a language, you will relate to the obscurity of the random phrases you learn.
I love that it has all the "lyrics" written below.
flight of the conchords...random and hilarious.

foux da fa fa...

hope you laugh...like to the point that someone from the next room cannot help but come in and ask what is so funny.  :)
kb.

intimacy with others is difficult, humbling, and often emotional.
however, interwoven with these challenging characteristics, resides a richness beyond description.

the truth will set you free...john 8.32.
amen.

oftentimes, allowing people into the places of my being that are beyond my control, namely where emotions surface as I begin to speak, fills me with nervousness.  though the Lord continues to shape me into a braver soul in this area of heart revealing, my nature is to attempt to appear strong, confident, informed, and well-spoken.

a greater inability to "appear altogether" is one of the giant changes in my person since having lived overseas.  when I was in england, my day-to-day life held so much unknown that little by little I lost the capacity to fake self-confidence in so many ways.  I was humbled at every turn, especially in the beginning.  I needed to ask questions, get lost, look silly, and be bold to survive essentially.
also, when I moved from london, I feared that I would be moving "back" to the States...that I would be somehow regressing in growth, as I re-entered so much familiar.
oh how gracious the Lord is to shake his head lovingly in His all-knowing essence and patiently reveal to me that going "back" is not an option.
the changes He makes in our lives are significant, deep, and beyond our explanation.
He has revealed (and continues to make very evident) to me that He is the one who led me away from the UK and desired for me to re-enter the States.  I did not leave Him in england.  and england is not a magical place.  it was the place for me for the time He had me there.  it was the setting He used to teach me lessons He needed me to learn there.
now I am in colorado discovering new truths, remembering who I am in Him and learning who I am becoming each day with His hand lovingly leading in this setting.
no locale is more special or important than another.
where He is and desires us to be is the holiest, life-changing "home".

today I truly felt the deeper breathing that arrives when transparency resides in friendship.  keeping those around you "in the loop" allows for support, insight, affirmation, and perspective...

I am thankful for such sweet friends who cheer for me with such steadfast spirits.
I am thankful for friends who lead me by living a life striving to be obedient, daring to take risks.
for an impressionable emulator like myself, being surrounded by people of such character blesses me to my core.  

happy new year!
cheers,
kb.

Janelle Monae...smooth.

today, this makes me dance.
kb.

such profound words.  oh, lloyd dobler...via cameron crowe.  how you have given us such deep thoughts.  my sister-in-law and brother gave me these coasters for Christmas.  quite possibly one of the best gifts I have ever received.
love.
if you have never seen this movie, please do so.
say anything...
poignant, a bit sad, and full of hope.
happy Christmas!
cheers,
kb.

the holidays have begun, to be sure.  thanksgiving  has been and gone, and now thoughts are shifted to celebrating Christmas.  the trees covered in snow are a fair representation of life currently in bueni.  the stars cascading over regent street show the year's decor in londontown.

I loved london during the holidays.  some criticise the city with all of its sounds, bright lights, and bustle.  I relished it.  not the spending of ridiculous amounts of money or the elbowing of people trying to get from this place to that one.  I love the cheer that truly escalates during this season in a city that most times is filled to the brim with anonymity, the shutting down of oxford street for shopping and munching on mince pies (I do not eat them, as I think them disgusting.  but I loved the aesthetic of people walking about with baskets passing them out.), the fake snow shooting out over hamley's toy store as you queue up to get in, the baristas in starbucks wearing holiday shirts in place of their usual black, much to their chagrin...
I am thankful to have gotten to spend so many holiday seasons in this great city.

holidays here in colorado look like a postcard.  bing crosby and danny kaye spring to mind (even though they were supposedly in vermont).  we literally can walk just about anywhere and cut down our own trees to decorate.  the mountains stand less than an hour away, beckoning us to don skis.  all the layered, wooly fashion in catalouges of j.crew is appropriate.  the quiet of freshly fallen snow surrounds.
I am thankful to be here this season.

wintry, chilly months tend to always bring me joy.  cozy sweaters, white lights strung, peanut buttery, chocolate treats made, copious amounts of coffee in favourite mugs brings much needed inner warmth...
nesting seems to take place in my world when the snow begins to fall and mr. buble' serenades on a loop.
as I reminisce of Christmases past and relish days current, I hope all of you do the same, seeing a picture of a plan so much bigger and sweeter than we could ask or imagine.

may your days be merry and bright this season.  may joy abound and blessings be seen.  
happy Christmas!
kb.

oh how I love a soulful song...
a few I have had on a loop lately.
do yourself a favour.  listen.
marc broussard...come in from the cold.

amos lee...colors.

the black keys...never gonna give you up.

nickel creek...this side.

kb.

full of thanks I am for this little one.
it so evident that children were created by God, who is defined as love.
is there anything better than having a child yell your name and then run into your arms?
not much, I dare say.
may I never distance from children in my daily life.  never.
such a sweet, safe, simple place full of joy, in their presence.

this week, I got to spend some quality time with this little one, mg.
we watched a marathon of tom and jerry.
we chewed countless pieces of juicy fruit which she graciously unwrapped and folded before handing to me each time.
we told knock knock jokes that had absolutely no punch line.
she climbed on my lap often.
we put together a puzzle, "100 pieces, kym!  this puzzle is ONE HUNDRED pieces."with her advising me on what shape of piece we needed for certain open spots.
we fluffed branches of her grandparents' Christmas tree.
simple joy, full stop.

one day while we were sitting on the couch, she just looked up and said, "I adore you."

psalm 84.1...
how lovely is your dwelling place, Lord Almighty.
phillipians 4.8...
...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent of praiseworthy--think about such things.

these above verses pop to mind as I think on time spent with kiddos.
the common word which appears is "lovely".

lovely is defined as "exquisitely beautiful".
yes.  indeed.

across the atlantic, this word is used quite liberally.  it is one I have purposefully kept in my vocabulary, as it holds such tenderness, intensity, and lightness.
today, I choose to contemplate the loveliness of life spent amongst children.
thanks be to God.
kb.

boston.

it rained the first 24 hours, but it added to the mood.  city and rain...a sweet setting for me.
a smaller london...with baseball!
lunch with claire near boston college...perhaps my favourite part of the whole of the trip.
boston.  I like it.

A library.  I truly love a library... something about the potential there for learning, discovery, and quiet.  Lately, I have been spending a good deal of time in our local building full of books to utilize the internet access, as my current abode is without connection.
The above photo in no way resembles said space, but it is the way a library in mind ought to look.
I currently am sat on a couch, earbuds in listening to "what barnz is spinning...", looking out the window at autumn in full bloom here in Colorado.  Yellows and oranges splash here and there in the midst of the ever present greens and browns of the Rocky Mountains.
Beautiful majesty... without doubt.

October is just around the corner, and as many of you are aware, this is my favourite month.  I am beyond excited about a trip I have planned over my birthday to NYC and Boston.  I get to see my friend Lucy in NYC, and I plan to make a trek to Boston to see some of my London girls.  I also have wanted for some time to visit Boston, as I have heard it described as the most European of cities in the States.  I have a distinct feeling that I might find a new place of joy.  Friends who share knowledge of me and of this city mentioned have said I would love it, as well.  I am anticipating a great week.
Though this tiny town boasts such beautiful vistas, I find the quiet to be a bit loud for me at times.
I need some noise, some masses, some exploration.  I feel a bit like I am on a permanent retreat here in this oasis.  One can only drink in so much until she could use a place to pour it out.
This trip east will hopefully satisfy this desire for a break from solitude.

I hope you are all well, enjoying football (or whatever equals autumn for you), falling leaves, and hot beverages.
My encouragement and choice for my week...
Choose positivity.  Soak up the sunlight.  Listen to great music.  Drink coffee.  Look to discover.
Cheers,
kb.

 Adam and Lana are now newlyweds!  I went last weekend to their lovely, simple nuptials in Indiana.  I was blessed to be able to witness such a sweet, heartfelt joining of two amazing friends.  I must mention here that I was mentioned by both fathers...once from the pulpit (Adam's dad performed the ceremony) and once at the reception when Lana's dad did his toast.  I brought them together.  Adam keeps telling me to take a little credit and not deflect it all.  Ok.  I introduced them.  I cannot wait to see them in Denver in their new place on my next jaunt to the city.

I arrived back in Bueni to cooler temperatures and a bit of rain.  My heart was full to overflowing.  My coffee tastes better.  The sweaters slowly emerge from my drawer.  Boots don my feet.
Sigh...
Autumn is quite simply my favourite.
The other noteworthy item is the picture below...my new place, well, as of July.  I have moved into a guest house of a friend and am settling in quite nicely.  It is cozy and quiet.  I love having my own space.  I bought this couch a couple of weeks ago, and every time I sit on it, I love it more.
This space is currently bringing me joy, and I am certain this state of being will continue as I transition into the off-season here at camp.  It is quiet and at times a bit boring, but having a nest I love makes all the difference, as those of you who know me well know about me.

The Lord has cleared my head and heart over the last couple of weeks.  I feel the autumn brings deep breathing, reading of many a book, and a bit of exploration (to be explained in a post in the near future, perhaps...).
I hope the autumn brings you rest, along with loads of warm beverages, cozy jackets, and brilliant time with people you love.
cheers,
kb.

summer ends in a week.  

I realize I have not written here since the summer began.  this absence largely is due to the sheer number of people, and with them thoughts, that have travelled through my sphere in the last three months.  

yet again, the Lord has surprised and blessed me.  summer is not the only season in which he teaches, of course, but as so much of my nature is enlivened and taught through others around me, it stands to reason that the influx of people brings with it a season of discovery.  

impression.

I love words and meaning.  when I was making literature for fundraising for moving to london, I looked ferociously at definitions of words to frame my goal for said move.  what was it that I hoped to do in the lives of kids there?  

I chose the word "impression".  I loved how it was defined.  

• an effect produced on someone

• a difference made by the action or presence of someone or something

• a mark impressed on a surface by something

making an impression does not change the essence of the entity into which it is pressed.  a leather belt with a name impressed into it does not cease to be a leather belt after the letters become permanent features on its surface.  it simply is changed...added to.  it is altered but not beyond recognition of it being a leather belt.  

earlier in the summer, my friends and I did a little leather impressing, as we had happened upon a stamping kit.  we had varying degrees of "success". 

I was pleased with my belt. 

carley liked her headband. 

elston still sports his hat strap proudly and wears his belt even though he accidentally chose a "q" instead of an "o".  it just makes us laugh and adds to its character.  

mal, on the other hand, ended the evening in utter sadness not having liked any project she attempted.  

sam felt rather lukewarm about his work, if I remember rightly.  

I suppose whether impression is good or ill sits in the eye of the beholder.  the Lord works everything together for good according to his good purpose, so there is always an opportunity for Him to make all good.  

as I think about the summer, I will remember the impressions that have been pressed into me.  

I have deepened existing friendships with those who return summer after summer.  

I have learned once again the look of unconditional relationship.  

I have had fun.  

I have had thought-provoking conversations. 

I have done crafts for hours in silence.

I have met new people who speak truth, act silly, work diligently, and lead well.  

I have had seats saved for me, had coffee brought to me (just the way I like it), and had traditions of saturday morning breakfasts upheld. 

I have had people love on me by listening, by asking, and by giving.  

I have had shared experiences, shared family stories, and shared hurts.

I have had help in moving, joy in sending, and blessing in simply being.  

I have been challenged, convicted, and cared for.

I am thankful.

I am thankful for summer number two here in colorado bringing lessons anew and for it bringing lessons I never expected.  

God is good.  all the time.

this summer I felt pieces of myself easing back into place.  the pieces I only see when I am surrounded by people who celebrate me, not simply tolerate me.  

community is so important.

we are not meant to traverse life on our own.  

choosing the ones with whom to surround yourself is key to health, I have found.  

a good bit of my self-awareness is found in the stillness, yes.

and, as I say, so much of who I am is only revealed in the midst of those around me who choose to observe...who are my thermometers, as a dear friend once termed.

thanks to my friends this summer, I have added to my list of descriptors of who I am.  they helped me to discover hidden corners of who I am which were once unseen or forgotten.  

thank you summer family.  how blessed I am.  visit soon.

kb.

how long has it been since I mentioned my love of park benches?  this image quite literally speaks to my soul.  the sunlight shining on this resting place where reflection might take occur, where a silly, serious, or serendipitous conversation might happen, where love might be savoured...  the double arch in the distance suggests that just beyond its entry is a potential undiscovered path into a city or a retreat from the harried pace of life amongst buildings and blaring horns...  this image fills me with creativity, openness, and peace.

spring has sprung.  more aptly, summer has descended upon us here in bueni.  the masses are slowly appearing to begin their respective works in the rafting or camping industries.  with their arrival, this sleepy town begins to pulse with new life, new faces, new stories.  and this freshness enlivens me.

as I sit thinking about how life is beginning to ramp up in relational opportunity, I think of the clear intentionality the Lord puts into seasons.  how important and key to health are ebbs and flows of relational interactions with masses and few, of time inside watching snowfall and time out soaking up sunlight to warm the skin, of introspective quiet and raucous laughter over silly banter.
Ecclesiastes 3.1-8 sums it up quite nicely.  I suppose Solomon was called wise for a reason, yeah?
I have always been quite clear on which season is at the top of my list...autumn, hands down.  I hold firm to this fact, but I must say, that I have newfound respect and adoration today as I sit in the middle of spring which is fastly becoming summer.  It is simply lovely.  


Change, though at most times scary, is necessary, rejuvenating, and healthy!  
Awareness arrives within me in the midst of change.  I pray in this particular change of season that I choose said awareness, which is so readily and lovingly available from the Lord, on a daily basis.
cheers,
kb.

I believe I hijacked this picture from my friend, maxine.  it struck me as gorgeous.  why am I posting a quite snowy picture when the date speaks of spring?  well, I am not sure I know the answer to that question, entirely.  I can say that there are days that still feel like this here in colorado despite the page on the calendar.  and...I am over it.  I said this statement as I got out of my car the other day to walk into subway for a sandwich.  I said it loudly to the snow blowing due to the wind gusts and grayness that my small town was wrapped in at that moment.  frustration was at a high toward the cold temperatures that still linger here.  I know that proper spring is on the horizon, so I have taken deep breaths of mountain air and just made another cup of tea to warm my insides.  still...spring, don't be afraid, just settle in.  I assure you that you will be welcomed with open arms by all.

my word.  my last post was in march.
so, I suppose this fact tells me I could comment on quite a lot from the last month and a half.
let me have a think...
claire and maxine.
I got to pop in on these two precious girls @ wake forest at the end of march.  oh how delighted I was to see these two beautiful friends.  so fun that these two who I knew in different contexts while living in london now spend time hanging out together in north carolina.
in some ways, it was if no time had passed since I last laid eyes on them.  in other ways, I felt deeply how much I had missed just sitting and chatting with claire.  we spent so many hours just sitting, chatting from time to time...eating gummy candies, drinking diet coke, and video chatting with micaela across the city.  she and I both enjoy just being with people.  I miss her.
max and I spent most of our time together in a cabin in either bulgaria or macedonia on our yearly service projects.  speaking of, this year's project just finished.  my friends, katie and ian, got to go be a part of it this year.  katie and I sat just yesterday chatting about bulgaria over coffee.  my heart smiles to hear her take on what is always such a time full or richness for all who attend.  katie also played courier, bringing me back some go ahead bars and dark chocolate mcvitie's from kerry.  I sat in my office sharing these treats, being transported back to my city life.  a delectable blessing.
sadly, I forgot to take any pictures during my time with claire and max.  but, that time, though short, blessed my heart beyond words.
I also got to see lauren while in north carolina.  what a sweet, dear friend she has been to me for so long.  I find it difficult to explain how dear this girl is to me.  I will not even attempt a description.  she knows.  I know.  so fun to see here and her hubby patrick living their sweet young married life.  love.

love, I say?  well, I may take a minute here to boast just a bit.
adam and lana.
adam has been a friend for many years, and he and I always fail to clearly backtrack to our friendship's origin.  he is a kindred in his deep-thinking, love for english culture, and bent toward counseling.
lana became a dear friend in london.  we have arkansas ties, as well, though not when we both lived there, in the way that the world is so small and interconnected.
one day last september, lana came to pick me up from adam's house in denver.  lana and I had plans to eat thai food.  adam was being my host before I flew out for a bit of holiday.  she walked through the door.  I looked at adam.  he lit up.  she smiled.  I had an inkling of potential connection...
about three weeks ago, adam proposed.  lana accepted.  they will be married just about a year from the time they met in the afore mentioned story.  they thank me for my part in their meeting.  I accept this thanks, as I did have a hand in it, clearly.  however, just as clear is that all I did was bum a place to stay and eat pad thai.  I love that they love each other.  I adore them both, and I feel honoured to have been a blip in their story.  congrats, sweet friends!

above is the corner of my room where I spend much time reading, contemplating, writing, watching episodes of tv shows...  I don't know that I would called myself a person attracted to the colour yellow prior to purchasing this dresser from the eccentric furniture salesman who sold this to me.  however, this dresser is very much at home in my colorado room filled with an eclectic mix of colour.
having a cozy spot to retreat to has always been an important thing to me for as long as I can recall.  I made my walk-in closet into a sort of nest when I was growing up where I would sit for hours reading.  funny how we change so deeply as we age and yet we still remain who we are in so many other ways.
reminds me of a poignant statement my friend laura made to me the year before I moved overseas..."remember, wherever you go, you take yourself with you."
at times, this truth is frustrating.  many moments, however, this phrase wraps me in comfort.
for someone who needs a nest to feel safe and centered, I treasure the knowledge the Lord has revealed to me about myself that help my nest be present no matter where I am in locale.  abroad or stateside, I remain in my core, kym.  and yet, growth and stretching occur constantly.
how gracious is the Lord to allow the simultaneous presence of core and change.  I sit thankful.
peace that passes understanding.
thanks be to God that I can never figure Him out.
thanks be to God.
cheers,
kb.
oh, and yes, I did stay up all night glued to bbc america watching countless hours of the royal wedding happening live.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  lovely.
happy may!

tension |ˈten sh ən|

noun

1 the state of being stretched tight : the parachute keeps the cable under tension as it drops.

• the state of having the muscles stretched tight, esp. as causing strain or discomfort : the elimination of neck tension can relieve headaches.

• a strained state or condition resulting from forces acting in opposition to each other.

• the degree of tightness of stitches in knitting and machine sewing.

• electromotive force.

2 mental or emotional strain : a mind that is affected by stress or tension cannot think as clearly.

• a strained political or social state or relationship : the coup followed months of tension between the military and the government | racial tensions.

• a relationship between ideas or qualities with conflicting demands or implications : the basic tension between freedom and control.

verb [ trans. ]

apply a force to (something) that tends to stretch it.

my word, I love the dictionary.  a dear friend and I were contemplating life over chips and salsa that other night.  she used the above word to describe some of the feelings I was expressing.  

when I got home, I looked it up.  and, once again, webster helped provide perspective.  

life in progress seems to always have at least a bit of tension.  

for such a time as this, I am in colorado.  when the next leading becomes illuminated, I will go.  

the desire to move, to see more, to experience anew never ceases.  

the co-existing of these afore mentioned assurances holds this conflict.  

allowing the intermingling feelings of enjoying certain things and being incredibly frustrated by other things is a humbling, muscle tightening, intense journey, but I believe it to be important.  

to let go.  

to allow for unfolding.  

to feel the fullness, and to acknowledge my attempts to control are futile.  

as ever, the anchor is trust.  

kb.

what made me laugh and shake my over-thinking today...
Peter Rollins interview with Rob Bell

of course, the Irish accent helps delight my soul, if I am honest.
also, I like his thoughts and musings...makes me contemplate, laugh, and enter into introspection which enlivens me rather than exhausts.

oh how I love to discuss...
thankful for those who share this love of discovering the depth of the Love.

breathe, kym.  exist in the midst of the tension...  where tension lies, strength may develop.

People energize me.  They also exhaust me, at times, but this week, I have been energized.  

As the calendar turns to March, I find myself on the downward slope to summer.  Preparations are being made, and I look so forward to welcoming back dozens of people who will help staff our camp full of families for a crazy three months.  

Weeks like this past one remind me why doing YL in Arkansas and London suited me so well.  I love people with all their depth, silliness, care, intentionality, affirmation, and conversation.  I laughed a lot this past week.  I got to listen.  I got to observe.  I remembered.  I got to help people.  

I am thankful.  

With these influxes of new and old friends, I find myself being cared for and asked to tell bits of my story.  A common question is always, "How long do you think you will be here?".  I find that question interesting, as truly almost every person who inquires about me to any depth brings up this point.  

I know not the answer.  My response is most often that I have seen no other leading today, so I am here for now.  

I do feel a bit more settled here.  I feel I have let go of many things even in the past few weeks that allow me to feel less stubborn and frustrated in regard to those unanswered questions that still reside in my day-to-day.  The question marks have not departed, but I do feel a deeper freedom, if that makes any sense at all.  

Being thankful for moments is my challenge and hope for today and the days in the near future.  Living in the present, in the facts, in the reality of True leading and not in my own plan or prediction.  

kb.

mid-january twenty eleven, I sit thankful.
the Lord has chosen to do so much in my life over the past year.
I am a year and a half home from london.  today, someone new asked me questions about my time there, and I found myself just as excited and prone to get lost in memories as I was in the fall of 2006 when I landed on english soil.  to me, pure blessing abounds in speaking of that home.

last year, I moved to colorado, where I currently reside and started working in a lodge nestled in majestic mountains.  the beauty, which each day has a different hue, shade, and structure, is beyond description.
my work calls me to serve, to laugh, to listen, to problem-solve, to engage with people, to organize, to pray, to adapt and flex, to be humbled, to rest, to play...
last year, I was given the experience of peace...the awareness of my opportunity to choose peace...the clarity to discern where peace resides and where it does not.
last year, I was both a barista and a tumbling teacher.
claire and micaela graduated from high school and began university in the states, bringing us back to the same continent.
last year, I spent my first holidays away from arkansas and relied on technology to transport me to my parents' living room.
last year, I got a puppy called charlie.

this year, I sit in anticipation of what is on the horizon.  though I am not quite ready for summer to arrive, I find myself eager for its arrival, as it will bring the heart and soul of our lodge back to life...
families arrive.  friends return.
I continue to strive toward health in this new year.  a few goals have been set that I truly feel can be achieved.  my head feels clear and able to tackle said ambitions.  I am thankful.
no need to go into great detail here today.  just noting.

I will end here with a last note of the latest happening of this january that has just begun.
charlie moved to chicago.  the best move for him.  the best move for me.  (see snap below of charlie and austin, his new owner, who is completely enamoured by charlies' charms)
in deciding to send charlie to live with heather's (one of my housemates) cousins, I have regained freedom and my afore mentioned clarity of mind.  my hope is that I use this time, space, and lucidity for my ongoing pursuit of health, as directed by the Lord for my time in colorado and beyond.

thankful.  utterly thankful.  happy 2011.  :)
cheers,
kb.

The latest news...well, I got a puppy.  He is called Charlie.  He is much bigger than this now, actually, as this photo was taken in mid-November, I believe.  I went to Arkansas for Thanksgiving, and when I arrived back to Colorado, Charlie moved in.  He is adorable, yes.  He is a handful, yes.  He has altered my life, yes.
Almost a month in to dog-ownership, I am just now beginning to find a new rhythm.  I must be honest and say that I am still a bit unsure of how life looks for me, as me that I know, with a responsibility such as he.

I spent Christmas here in Colorado which was white in the degree that I could see the mountains all around me topped with powder.  Here in BV, the streets remained clear, which I must say I prefer.  Safety first.
Today is Boxing Day, and I miss London.  Actually, my former overseas home has received more winter weather than my current one, which is odd.
I do miss the city these days, but that is an old story to those of you who keep up with me on any semi-regular basis.  I am sat today thinking of where my spring holiday will take me.  I feel compelled to make  plans as soon as financially possible.  All is well here, just a bit quiet.  I am still wrestling with what my brain (and feet) do here in the midst of such deep quiet.  Parts of my soul are made for activity, perspective, and diversity.  I make spring plans to feed that bit of me.

Definition of oneself is such an ongoing prospect.  In each locale I find myself studying, studying...  Where is the next adventure?  May no one thing define me.  May I never cease looking and being aware of people.  In the midst of this quiet, may I have balance of introspection and outward notice.  I am finding that to be a bit difficult, I confess.  May I rest in the deeply held knowledge that the Lord holds the bigger picture in his hands, and I can see only what I can handle today.
I hope your new year begins in a lovely way, friends.
cheers,
kb.

"Lest we forget..."
If in England, I would adorn my lapel with a poppy looking similar to the above pictured.  11 November is fastly approaching...a time when we remember our current and fallen heroes in the many branches of military service.  Were I going to church @ HTB in London, I would be rising with the congregation and be prompted to sing "God Save The Queen".  I remember that first Remembrance Sunday that I spent in London in 2006 when we began singing this song.  I wondered then, as I still do, if it is disloyal to my native country to sing said song.  I know not.  Regardless, this time of year in England was one of the times I was tangibly reminded of my living in another country.  I adored it. 
The story of the poppy is lengthy and meaningful, and I will not describe it here today.  I will simply say that I deeply love this time of year, as it focuses on remembrance.  What a deep blessing our memories are. 
Today (and this week), I remember...the troops who enable freedom and allow for safety, my sweet time in London, and the Lord's love and faithfulness which are constant. 
Remember.
cheers,
kb.