scars...

we all have them.

and they are filled with story. 

they explain a challenge faced. 

they show triumph, a badge of honour, explaining a place of hurt and resilience. 

these marks make us unique and particular as they only belong to us individually.

in my opinion, though they often indicate a past pain, 

ultimately, 

they beautify.

they add depth and texture.

recently I have been thinking about these life impressions we carry with us.  

we strive so much to be individuals...to stand out. 

sometimes we add ink to our skin to intentionally scar ourselves so we will remember a moment, a person, an experience, a lesson learned. 

and then we often hide our personal scars, our natural tattoos, which have been created in a more organic fashion throughout our lives. 

c'est interresant.  (it is interesting.)

I think often we show the ones we want only. 

but the scars are there whether we want them to be or not, and we must face them at some point. someone else will see them and wonder, and if we choose not to share the stories, hurts, victories, experiences, we will hinder sweet opportunities to increase connection and closeness. 

I feel like right now in our world we, quite acutely, are being reminded that we must have connection to be healthy and to live life to the full. 

some scars are visible and obvious. some exist inside and are able to be hidden for a time. 

I like them. 

on others. 

I am fascinated and intrigued to hear the story attached to this marking that is clearly unique to the person as I always feel that within this person's narration, I will see a window into who they are and what they have overcome whether the tale that is told is of a childhood fall from a bicycle or a torn tendon while on a skiing trip or a car accident which found them in a shocking situation.  these stories of others never disappoint, in my experience.

whether the story is dramatic or silly, learning about the other connects and delights me.

I even like these external markings on me most of the time.  

what a great conversation starter!  

an opportunity to be asked about why that scratch is on my foot, for example, 

indicates to me an interest and an engagement from another person, a telltale sign that someone is taking the time to learn about me.  

but 

maybe 

only  in theory?

maybe I am particular about which stories I want to tell...

only liking to talk about these physical alterations to my original unblemished skin

and I do not necessarily want to speak quickly and openly about all of my distinctions which others might observe...? 

those inside markings, the ones which can be more subtle and secret...

these more discreet scars often require a deeper level of honesty and vulnerability to tell their stories.  revealing the origin of fears, pains, worries...

well, the difficulty level rises often in that space.

in university, I studied sports medicine.  we spent a fair amount of time learning about anatomy, the human body, injuries, wound care, etc.  of course, we were studying how to care for these external, on the skin, types of injuries, but I think the same sort of approach can apply for our more internal scrapes and bruises.

after an injury, scar tissue buildup makes the next movement of those surrounding muscles more difficult. it is our body's way of protecting us.  we have been hurt and so the body rushes to rebuild and take care of us, instinctively.  

recovery and healing require time. 

bandages? ice?

patience. 

attention. 

care. 

a delicate attending to.  

as we ease back into activity.  we must exercise and break up this scar tissue in order to regain mobility, flexibility, and even the skill of relaxation, as the muscles now naturally tense in a sort of defensive stance.  the tissue that has formed is a sort of a wall, a barrier which has been formed to prevent further hurt which was necessary and beneficial while we were healing.

but after some time, we need to begin to move and utilize these muscles once more. 

if we want to possess mobility again...  

use is key.

in speaking of our internal hurts and scars, we must also choose to try once more to exercise our skills of storytelling, sharing, and noticing...

giving of ourselves once more, bit by bit and working to accept others in the light of our newfound self-knowledge of our common hurts and challenges.

I think we need to move toward our own personal acceptance of the presence of these scars. 

nothing can be done to change them.  

if we are to move forward to regain the ability to connect, they must be embraced and accepted, interwoven into the fabric of our personal stories. 

they are there, present within us.

for the better... 

and I do choose to believe we are better for having struggled and moved forward through these hurts.  

this perspective of betterment does not 

at all 

indicate an attitude of 

dismissal of any of the following:

true difficulty, 

a desire that circumstances or situations could have been different or 

a denial of the presence of  real affliction, 

but 

declares 

a decision to choose hope in their midst.

and even when you learn how to navigate old scar tissue, forming new strength, new wounds will certainly occur.

we have to continue to learn how to break up that resistance to connect once more. 

again and again.

there will always be scars...

we will most likely always wonder if others will flinch or move away when they see ours. 

here we find one more thing we all have in common as humans, 

scars.

ALL of us have them.  

what if we choose to see them as beautiful?

in others 

AND in ourselves.

can we accept and celebrate our markings and be willing to work and heal together? 

to love and to move through and forward?

to see these impressions as uniting forces rather than elements of our stories that separate us or cause us to build walls due to our worry that others will not understand or want to see who we are?

to fight through the fear and worry?

of course, we do not need to reveal all of ourselves to every person we encounter.  

this protective tissue is healthy and important.  our body instinctually protects us for a reason.  

levels of connection appropriately adapt and adjust depending on situation and context.

I speak here, in particular, about the spaces and places with people with whom we desire to shrink the gap of closeness.  

we can choose to listen, 

to love, 

to connect, 

and to create safe spaces with people and for ourselves.  

I am thinking more and more that THIS is the work of relationships, 

to keep showing up for one another, 

committed and willingly wanting to fight through the scar tissue buildup for the 

awe-inducing benefits of connection and joy. 

for me, I think this sort of work is some of the most 

valuable, 

enriching, and 

life-giving work any of us can choose to do.

this artist, james bay, has long been a favourite of mine with his soulful voice and poetic lyrics.  as I wrote, this song came into my mind.  

may we lean in, 

listen, and 

look to increase our mobility in connection

for the betterment of us all.  

cheers,

kb.