as you go...

movement.

se déplacer.  (to move oneself)

the train which carried me the route of london to virginia water and back with its red seats placed within carriages filled with passengers who rarely speak above a whisper regardless of their number of companions travelling alongside them, makes my heart happy to remember.

this still shot of said transport appears to be steady, but with a glance out the window
you see it actually is in motion.

as you well know, the past dozen years have found me processing and maneuvering.
striving to stay steady while progressing.
looking for "the rhythmic character or quality" of life,
the proper cadence
for
kym.

{deep breath.}

this season
is not an easy one.
each transition is different, n'est pas (is it not)?
thankfully, wherever we go, we take ourselves with us, but years on, in new settings, sharing life with people with different names and stories, alongside numerous other factors, each phase of life feels a bit unique within its sameness.

I could fill this page avec mots et phrases (with words and sentences) to describe right now, but I see no need, as they might be interpreted as wicked melancholy.
my intention in taking the time to compose and share is not to commiserate but to simply give a peek through the window of my current state of being.
my life when more full of solitude is naturally filled with more contemplation.
some thinking is good.
without space to ponder, health drifts out of my grasp.
too much time on my own?
well...
health drifts out of my grasp.
"and, we're back...", to the life quest for the
proper cadence.

"therefore, as you go, disciple people in all nations, 

in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit..."

matthew 28.19 (ISV)

the great commission, this verse has been deemed.

I chose this translation with great intention.
in my processing, living life alongside, moving into the neighbourhood disposition,
"as you are going" is the personification of my personality and approach to life.

I recognise that looking to live a life, organically making friends and building community, is much more difficult in adulthood.  and yet, I still want that to happen.  perhaps that is the six year old child in me. separating life into segments will never make sense to me.  no.
spend forty hours a week with one group of people.
then, go home and do life with a whole other lot.  "you gotta keep 'em separated..."

please do not misunderstand me.
my childlike stubbornness and joy is woven into my spirit with a healthy amount (at times wicked excessive amounts) of mature awareness and desire to manage expectations properly.
needing work friends to also live next door to me is silly and not real life.
(well not real life for me right now, at least.  I have experienced this type of dynamic and have many friends who do live in such a way.)


I simply miss living life with fewer segments.

so, how do I navigate this less than preferable, highly prevalent reality while keeping hope alive for finding organic relationship?
I have no easy answer.
however, I do have a deep fervent desire to keep looking and settle not.

so for those of you who share my temperament and at times find yourself living life as an adult in less than natural social situations, wishing we were all kids once more who just spend time together without appointment or plan other than just to "be",
know you are not alone.

may we keep hope alive,
look and pray to see opportunities, and
choose to be glad.

cheers,
kb.