The latest news...well, I got a puppy.  He is called Charlie.  He is much bigger than this now, actually, as this photo was taken in mid-November, I believe.  I went to Arkansas for Thanksgiving, and when I arrived back to Colorado, Charlie moved in.  He is adorable, yes.  He is a handful, yes.  He has altered my life, yes.
Almost a month in to dog-ownership, I am just now beginning to find a new rhythm.  I must be honest and say that I am still a bit unsure of how life looks for me, as me that I know, with a responsibility such as he.

I spent Christmas here in Colorado which was white in the degree that I could see the mountains all around me topped with powder.  Here in BV, the streets remained clear, which I must say I prefer.  Safety first.
Today is Boxing Day, and I miss London.  Actually, my former overseas home has received more winter weather than my current one, which is odd.
I do miss the city these days, but that is an old story to those of you who keep up with me on any semi-regular basis.  I am sat today thinking of where my spring holiday will take me.  I feel compelled to make  plans as soon as financially possible.  All is well here, just a bit quiet.  I am still wrestling with what my brain (and feet) do here in the midst of such deep quiet.  Parts of my soul are made for activity, perspective, and diversity.  I make spring plans to feed that bit of me.

Definition of oneself is such an ongoing prospect.  In each locale I find myself studying, studying...  Where is the next adventure?  May no one thing define me.  May I never cease looking and being aware of people.  In the midst of this quiet, may I have balance of introspection and outward notice.  I am finding that to be a bit difficult, I confess.  May I rest in the deeply held knowledge that the Lord holds the bigger picture in his hands, and I can see only what I can handle today.
I hope your new year begins in a lovely way, friends.
cheers,
kb.

"Lest we forget..."
If in England, I would adorn my lapel with a poppy looking similar to the above pictured.  11 November is fastly approaching...a time when we remember our current and fallen heroes in the many branches of military service.  Were I going to church @ HTB in London, I would be rising with the congregation and be prompted to sing "God Save The Queen".  I remember that first Remembrance Sunday that I spent in London in 2006 when we began singing this song.  I wondered then, as I still do, if it is disloyal to my native country to sing said song.  I know not.  Regardless, this time of year in England was one of the times I was tangibly reminded of my living in another country.  I adored it. 
The story of the poppy is lengthy and meaningful, and I will not describe it here today.  I will simply say that I deeply love this time of year, as it focuses on remembrance.  What a deep blessing our memories are. 
Today (and this week), I remember...the troops who enable freedom and allow for safety, my sweet time in London, and the Lord's love and faithfulness which are constant. 
Remember.
cheers,
kb.

thirty two today.  enjoying the sunshine cascading through my window much like this picture portrays.  this october I spend in colorado in a cozy yellow house on a street called cedar.  I remember autumns past when I sat drinking a latte macchiato at a kiosk in front of the vatican in rome...when I blew out candles in a flat rented by the addingtons just outside of london...when I walked through hampstead eating falafel with courtney...  the past few years might have had a bit of a more foreign locale.
this year holds no less joy, though.  difficult to complain when surrounded by the glorious rocky mountains with lovely friends (both local and literally around the world).  the Lord is full of goodness.
kb.

trail west staff.2010.

Breathing deeply, drinking excellent coffee, listening to new David Gray release, sitting on my porch in perfect 70 degree-ish weather...just had lunch with two of my favourite guy friends...
If this is autumn...well, welcome.  You are most welcome.  

Camp is complete. 
A bit melancholy, as I will miss my friends who have lived life alongside me these last few months.  I am equally eager for what awaits in the autumn months that lie ahead.  Some have departed.  A few more leave tomorrow.  A handful will stay on for another week or so to help out and simply play without camp business interrupting life.  
As for me, I will be here.  A bit odd to be staying as all the rest go here and there.  I sit in my room this evening looking back over my day.  I began the morning with my last visit to my fave bfast haunt with my "regulars".  I finished up a bit of work on the ropes course with my phenomenally helpful friend, Grace, who has dominated said course for me over the summer.  Then, Luce and I nipped out for a quick coffee at my clear favourite coffee shop in BV, which happens to be quite literally just beyond my back garden.  And the rest of this lovely 70 degree, Simpson-clouded day found me sitting me in my room watching  a show that inspires me to live my dreams.  
I find that watching people use their giftedness to their fullest extent never ceases to inspire my creativity and giftedness.  On my own, creativity seems to elude me in great quantity, but when I am blessed by being brushed by others using their talents, I feel awakened.  Lovely.  Full of thanksgiving, I become.


So, now that my hectic summer has closed, I am sat contemplating what the autumn will hold.  When I ran into my friend, Mack, today, he said something to the effect of being able to just breathe deeper today.  With a smiling presence, I agreed wholeheartedly.  I feel the same.  With this breath...well, I am decided that I will write.  This book I have mentioned for such a long time will be worked on in a much more diligent focus.  
Interestingly enough, one of my TW family, Anthony, told me earlier in the summer that he thinks I should write a book.  I just chuckled.  He looked at me a bit perplexed and asked why such a response.  I told him that doing so has been a goal of mine for quite some time, and I had one in the works already.  
I feel as though now may be the time.  So, I boldly post here that I will set this goal for myself...to make progress on my book this autumn.  Perhaps by the new year, I will have it complete.  
Feel free to ask me when we speak how I am progressing.  I give you license to do so.  


My hope with my book, I believe, is to further process my journey of life, to by telling my stories, hopefully, empower/enliven the ones who might read it, and to simply enjoy putting pen to paper while playing with vocabulary and language.  For so many years, the Lord has used writing and wordplay to love on me.  From chronicling in my journals, to listening to hip-hop, to chatting with people with whom I tend to give sit down and get cozy answers rather one word responses...language loves on me.  Not a coincidence that He is the Word, I think.  
My other hope in writing is that I can do so without worry of what others might think or what opinions might surface...that I would write with a sort of detachment from anything other than what I want to communicate and express.  


"and if out of this turning inward, out of this absorption into your own world, verses come, then it will not occur to you to ask anyone whether they are good verses."              ~Rilke.


As autumn begins, I surround myself with all things that soothe aesthetically.  My soul smiles.  
I can see the words flowing when my nest feels safe, cozy, and centered.  Thanks be to God for knowing more than I...for an intensely relational summer full of newness, laughter, connection, hurt, healing, perspective, and insight which all led to intense moments of Love.

sometimes you need to remember to be a kid.

hiking down from mt. antero.

ropes.  (full stop)

maybe frolick from time to time.

and, when you get the chance...go climb a mountain.

ROY G BIV off the back deck of the lodge.

antero.  thanks to mal for such great shots.

sometimes we square dance.  yes, this is my boss.  thanks be to God.

ruth is my friend.

oh, lucy.  how much fun we have.

what I do now with my athletic training skills.

Last post I gave a glimpse of the mountains in my backyard.  The Arkansas River is also right at my doorstep here in BV.  The first snapshot is of said body of water in Salida, a nearby town which is the home both the nearest Wal-Mart and Sonic and Starbucks...all clearly of high importance.  Salida also has quite a few cool shops and restaurants that make me happy.  Here, you see me with a few of our summer interns, Jessica, Emma, and Shannon, as we enjoyed a bit of a festival in Salida, called FibArk...which turned out to be quite the spectacle.  I loved it.  I loved the masses of people of all eccentricities.  Funny how I now love being in anonymous crowds from time to time...feels like home in a way.  
Lastly, in my pictoral portion of this post, you see a bench in the Aspen Grove here at camp.  My friend, Stacie took this picture and added the caption, "Reflection".  Seeing this  simply made me take a deep breath...peace.  


Week four is in full swing at Trail West, which means the first session of staff are on their last week with us.  An entirely new team will arrive on Thursday, and weeks five through eight will be organized by a whole different crew.  I am both sad to see friends depart and thrilled to see others arrive.  
It continues to be an odd reality that my "normal" world is now at camp.  Bizarre.  I do not think I will truly feel I have properly moved into this neighbourhood until August arrives.  The summer season is a whirlwind of relationships that grow deep quickly and sometimes leave in a way which seems abrupt.  Though I am no stranger to people arriving and departing in my sphere, I know that when August presents itself, I will be sad to see friends (old and new) go back to their respective homes.  
Ok, no need to go too far into the future, as I still have 8 weeks of camp crazy that will without doubt stretch, grow, and change me in deep ways through challenging situations and incredibly interesting people.  
I continue to be thankful beyond words and blessed beyond measure.  I am affirmed more than I can ask or imagine that I am spot on where I am meant to be for this time of my life.  Oh, how intentional and loving is the Lord.  
Even though I know this life at camp in the summer season is in some ways ridiculously sheltered, safe, and serene, making it feel anything but real, I am assured that it is quite alright to be in such a place for a time.  What an expression of love from the Lord to allow me time to rest after life abroad.  Simply and deeply thankful.  
I pray all is well with you, friends.  
Cheers, 
kb.

A bit of an image for you from my literal backyard nowadays.  I sort of stole this snapshot from a friend who is taking pictures often of our gorgeous surroundings.  I believe this is Mt. Princeton.  We are nestled in the valley of the Collegiate Peaks...Princeton, Harvard, Yale, Columbia, respectively.

Life in Buena Vista, Colorado is simple.  Simpler beyond words from my life in Londontown.  I have so much more mental space than I have had in recent years.  I am unsure of what to do with all that free energy, I must confess.  I know the Lord is calling me to rest and breathe.  The above view is without doubt helpful in that quest.  I am assured I have many lessons in store for me here.  I pray I am attentive.

Summer season begins in tomorrow for us here.  The rhythm will be more staccato than smooth, though the lyrics of this melody will be full of excitement, depth, and energy.  I am supremely looking forward to the people I will be blessed enough to meet, the behind-the-scenes tasks I will get to accomplish, and the ways I will see relationships grow in richness.

I pause as I ponder what other musings I have at present...  My house is adorable and located in the center of town which enables me to walk to almost anywhere (other than to work) easily.  I walked to meet some friends the other night, and I just felt more alive.  I told my friends that I am reverting to my English nature and am walking henceforth unless I absolutely have to drive.  I got my hair cut the other day by my new friend, Andie, who I called randomly at a salon I drove by.  Andie is from London.  In the non-summer months, I have an office-mate called Juliette who is from where?  England.  We talk about tea, the newly appointed British Prime Minister, and the "the same but a bit different"-ness of GB.  Just a couple little love notes in this Colorado song the Lord is teaching me to sing.  The Lord is so in the details and knows my heart.
I bought a yellow dresser from my neighbour, Trader Tad, who is a story in himself.  He shook my hand and introduced himself..."Hi, Kym, I am Trader Tad".  I just smiled.  He helped Leslie and I get it in the house and then offered to be a resource to us for anything we might need as new people to the area.
I find I am incredibly organized these days.  I believe I have always been more neat than not since I began life in college and lived with others.  Though, I feel my disposition to be tidy has ramped up since having moved to London.  I attribute it to moving as much as I did in my three years and to the utterly small spaces that I inhabited, both in my own flats and in spare bedrooms of others' houses.  Honestly, if you put a jacket down on the bed, you felt as if you had lost priceless square footage.  Truly.
My desk must stay clear to keep my brain clear and focused with as much new as there is to learn.  I like my room tidy, so I can spread out on the floor and write, create, or simply sit and type, as I am currently doing.
Ok, for those of you, friends, who like silly details of my world, there you go.  I will take some snaps of my room and house for the next post.
Even better?  Plan a trip to see me!  We have plenty of room for passers-through.  And, I adore a pop-in!
Cheers,
kb.

I am going to disappoint this go around with no visuals of my new home in Colorado.  Sorry.  I will put some up soon, but for now you will just have to envision it all via my word pictures.

In Colorado I now reside.  The parentals and I drove out just over a week ago with both our cars full of my belongings.  I took us a couple of days and turned our odometers 1066 miles forward.  Aside from a bit of a frightening hail storm/edge of a tornado going over us in Kansas, the drive went well.  I have been living in the lower half of a house on camp property since my arrival which makes my commute to work a 3 minute walk up the road.  Not too bad, I would say.  The one downer at present is that the house sits a bit too deep in the valley, and I only have phone reception in two places in the house, and even those are not terribly reliable.  I do not trust the reception enough to make a phone call, as I know it will most likely drop.  And, no internet connection in this place, also due to the proximity from the main lodge of camp.
I could go on and on with details of the move and the first couple days of work, but here I will choose to comment on overarching observations.

My state of thanksgiving is immense.  I find the details of my new CO life to be falling into place without much effort from me.  I continue to be given opportunities and only have to make a phone call to follow up or show up when I am invited to do so.  A friend called me a few weeks ago to tell me she thought she found me a place to live.  Yes, indeed, she did.  I begin my move today into a lovely 3-bedroom house with two girls who are close to my age and happen to work at Frontier, another YL camp just a few minutes away from TW.  I wondered how I would work out finances for the first month or so, as I would need immediate access to cash for rent, bills, etc.  Before I had time to worry about it or make a plan B, I got a call to report that a way had been sorted out to make certain I could take care of all I needed without delay.
As I sat in our staff devo yesterday morning, I was asked to say a few words about how I have arrived to work at TW.  I told a bit of background and then attempted to articulate the deep sense of peace I feel about being here in Buena Vista working in such an amazing atmosphere (scenery and people).  I spoke of a sense of life slowly becoming less complicated.  My work at camp will be full on and fast-paced much of the time (especially during the summer months), but life in all other aspects appears to be unfolding as rather simple.  On a regular work day, I go in at eight and leave at four-thirty.  Bizarre and nice.
Work is defined and compact.  I am so accustomed to taking 3 types of transport and the better part of an hour to get to a staff meeting.  Now, I walk down the hall.
Formerly, I planned my day and spent the majority of time on my own striving to accomplish all the needed to be done to keep things moving.  Now, I work alongside people and converse constantly.
I have only two proper days of work under my belt thus far, and I know the distinctions of this new job will continue to surface.  The Lord is going to have to teach me how to do life at a different rhythm here in BV.  It will be a process, as ever.  I look forward to it, and feel it to be not unlike transitioning into life in London.  Transition is transition, no matter the locale.  Going from one rhythm to another takes time, processing, and awareness for me.
I am eager to see how the Lord continues to reveal more of who I am...an Arkansan who feels more at home in London than almost anywhere who now lives in a small town in Colorado.  Each location is a part of me, and I long to learn/grow to the fullest in this new place as much as I did in the two previous, without losing the parts of me that feel as though they belong in my former "homes".

Next post, I will put up snapshots of my new house here in BV.  This week I will take on a challenge of decorating a room with odd angles and two-toned walls.  I am up for it.  I am elated to begin settling in and making the space mine.
Til then...
kb.

Not a bad view, yeah?  I spent the beginning bit of this week in Colorado.  I was asked to journey westward to have further conversation about a potential job at one of my favourite places, Trail West, a Young Life family camp.  I have spent time at TW the last two summers, and each time I set foot on this property, I feel a sense of home.
I do not believe in coincidence, only intentionality.  The Lord has control and a plan He is working at all times (Jer.29.11) whether we are aware of the puzzle pieces being placed with precision or not.  I am convinced of this truth.  Another fact, in my experience and belief?...(Eph.3.20)...that plan is beyond what we even think we might desire.
So, based on my above statements and on the events of the last month, I share with you the next locale I will call "home".
I will be moving to Buena Vista, Colorado in a couple weeks to begin a job working in what we in YL call, Guest Services.  Giving you a full job description is a bit difficult, so I will simply say that the job is much to do with making the pieces of camp come together behind-the-scenes and helping the guests have the best experience possible while on our property.

I beyond blessed and excited to be starting this next adventure, as I am convinced that the Lord has led me to take this job.  His fingerprints have been all over the entire process, and I am seeing many similarities in this move and my move toward London a few years ago.  Some of the likeness is tangible and explainable and some is simply deep within my spirit and can only be known to me.  All of these endorsements are undeniable, and I am thankful.

My time of transition and re-entry very much continues.  However, this move will allow for many pieces of my day-to-day to stabilize and root a bit...a huge move forward.

So, my definition of "home" continues to expand.  In the next few weeks, I will add Colorado to the list which now holds Arkansas and London, England.  I am still scratching my head about the realities of being able to live in such Eph 3.20 type places...only indicative of the Lord being in control and not me.
This girl who in her pre-London nature stayed rooted and still has now become accustomed, even prefers to step out into the unknown and experience a new adventure.  Again, I am moved to thanksgiving for the intimate, risk-taking love of God which assures me that he is faithful (Ps.86.14).

Ok, so enough depth...check out my camp...  YL Trail West family camp.
Plan a trip to come see me!  Buena Vista is near many a ski slope, the Arkansas River, and is simply gorgeous, full stop!
cheers!
kb.

Directions.  I adore directions.  You can see here why London suited me straight away, as the lovely English do the favour of helping people cross the zebra crossing safely with instructions painted on the street.  Love.
Tonight I sit at a table at a friend's house who is offering her hospitality for one week more before I move onward thinking of my UK home.  It is dark and rainy outside, and the sound of the drops on the windows is quite cathartic.  I will not be so overly romantic as to say that I loved the fairly ever present precipitation in London consistently, but now that I am in the States once more, rain soothes in a way in never did before.  While others hunker under their coats and sprint in and out of buildings to there vehicles, I walk quite at my leisure breathing deeply and enjoying the familiarity of the smell, sound, and simplicity of raindrops. 
Clearly, it does not take cloud cover and drizzle to bring thoughts of London to mind.  But, as I sit on the verge of a new move, I am taken back to my last move of significance.  I also write here in a bit of a shout-out to my friend, Lana, whose blog you can read on the column link to the left.  She is one of my kindred spirits in more ways that I can aptly describe and specifically by way of London love and life.  She and I shared the city streets for only about 6 months, but as she spoke about in her last entry, those times had a way of flipping the whole of our lives upside down, sideways, and...well, changed perspective on all things previously thought "normal".  By the way, I believe I have found two words that it will be difficult for me to ever write (or even say) without using inverted commas (or quotations marks):  "normal" and "home".  I am pleased that these words have been expanded and altered in my world.  I am eternally grateful.  
Having written numerous times before about the specifics of my London-missing, I will abstain from doing so this evening.  Instead I will comment on what I learned in a conversation earlier this week about my time in London.  While chatting with a friend about "how my transition is going", I began to fall into a bit of a script I have come to follow when asked said question.  I began to comment on how full-on the roller coaster of transition, re-entry, and culture shock are and the nature of learning to leave London in London and look ahead to find the next adventure and step in the journey.  However, this time when I began to say these somewhat pat answers, I meant what I was saying.  It was quite a moment, actually.  
I explained that I am learning that London was/is...well, indescribable, intimate, and embedded in my character, heart, and head henceforth.  Part of me will always live in London.  I will always feel at home there.  At this moment, I do not do life in London, however.  And attempting to recreate that life lived across the pond here in the States is not a realistic expectation or goal.  Were I to hold onto hope for said accomplishment, I would fall short time and time again.  
So, I look forward to the next steps, and I do just that...keep stepping, putting one foot in front of another.  Whether wearing my American New Balance or my black Camper "English girl" shoes, I keep moving as Kym, the girl who is from Arkansas, who lived overseas for a few years, and who is now looking for where the Lord has for her next to experience and engage in life.  What new locale has He in store?  
I feel at the moment it will be in Colorado, if we want to get a bit more specific and less theoretical.  The details of moving to this destination are yet to be hammered out, but the process has begun starting with a move to near Little Rock with the parentals for a time.  I need to touch family home base for a bit before the venture westward.
My time in NW Arkansas has been full of purpose, as the Lord does not make mistakes, in my opinion.  Though the time here has been up and down, full of emotion, and frustrating at times, I have simultaneously been blessed with precious reunions with dear lifelong friends, have been introduced to amazing new friends with whom I have lived life full of stories, coffee, and perspective, and have been shown by the Lord changes He has made within my person that I am convinced may have not been as evident to my eye and heart had I been in a non-familiar environment directly upon my Stateside arrival.  NWA is not home for me now.  As mentioned, I hold that word loosely and only know currently that I need to move onward to find its new definition in my world.  
I look forward to the next locale, and I am assured the Lord has gone before and is going alongside me.  (Duet. 31.8)
I quote my afore mentioned friend, Lana, below as my heart shares her sentiment:
"I now have a constant ache for a new place, a new city, a new adventure."
Yep.  Well said.  I recognise this new state of myself, and I am thankful.  I also recognise how foreign and puzzling this newfound disposition may seem to others with whom I live life and interact.  I find myself at a loss by way of truly "explaining".  I can only say how blessed I know I am to have such dear, dear friends quite literally around the world who invest in, take interest in, and love on me as I move here and there in my quest of finding "home".  Thank you.  Thank you for your loyalty as I eagerly, nay desperately, seek to  discover which steps are coming into view in the midst of a literal haze of transition.  
Soon...
kb.

Have you read any Henri Nouwen?  I highly recommend him, if not.  I get a daily email from his writings that honestly, sometimes I read and other times I just pitch.  One day this week, I was struck by this excerpt I found in my inbox.  I hope it blesses and frees you in your pursuit of deeper relationship and intimacy with God, who IS love.  

Creating Space for God

Discipline is the other side of discipleship. Discipleship without discipline is like waiting to run in the marathon without ever practicing. Discipline without discipleship is like always practicing for the marathon but never participating. It is important, however, to realize that discipline in the spiritual life is not the same as discipline in sports. Discipline in sports is the concentrated effort to master the body so that it can obey the mind better. Discipline in the spiritual life is the concentrated effort to create the space and time where God can become our master and where we can respond freely to God's guidance.

Thus, discipline is the creation of boundaries that keep time and space open for God. Solitude requires discipline, worship requires discipline, caring for others requires discipline. They all ask us to set apart a time and a place where God's gracious presence can be acknowledged and responded to.

                                                                                                              --Henri Nouwen

happy valentine's day.

Dave Barnes - Balumtine'th Day

www.youtube.com

we all need thome help thontines

a sure laugh to celebrate today.  dave barnes.  check out his music and enjoy his silly.  :)
click the link above.

cheers,
kb.

a bit of a recommendation for a brilliant $0.99 you could spend that would bless, I believe...?

Kirk Franklin...Still (In Control).  track 15. worth every cent.


Verse 1:
Lately I've been thinkin'
Thinking 'bout you
And all the things
I've seen you go through
Your mother the kids and
The problems at home
Sorry I wish I could fix what's wrong
I hurt when you hurt and
I cry when you cry
Even the deep ones
Sometimes wonder why am i going through
I'm waiting but still no use

Chorus:
He's still in control
He's soverign and He knows
Just how it feels to be afraid
Have folk you love walk away
Be still and know He's still in control

Verse 2:
Lately depression
Your job and your life
Weighs on your mind
All day and all night
You know every scripture
And what prayer to pray
Only a fool would think
It'll all go away
But there is a use
For you there's a plan
A High Priest who knows
And who understands what you cannot say
Just a little longer can you wait

Chorus:
He's still in control
He's soverign and he knows
Just how it feels to be afraid
Have folk you love walk away
Be still and know He's still in control

Bridge:
Don't know what tomorrow will bring
Or if this sickness will ever leave
You can paint a perfect picture
But will it ever look like it used to be
See, one thing I know for sure
This season made you stronger and more mature
Can't you see how far you've come
And when you look back
It's gonna be worth it, oooh

(Chorus)

He's still in control
He's still in control
He's still in control

cheers,
kb.

Someday I want to live here...in Italy.  Nothing about this picture pertains to my recent thoughts necessarily, aside from the fact that I am in the midst (in a more full-on way than perhaps ever in my life) of looking for and anchoring to concrete bits and pieces that I know to be true in regard to me.  
Transition is a full-on process.  I would be willing to say with relative certainty that each of us have experienced a transition in our lives.  Clearly, as we grow older, life brings more and more of these times of change, evaluation, and shift.  These passages carry within them alterations in what we know to be "normal" or "familiar".  These moves require us to navigate a circumstance or world unlike the one we have become accustomed to in our day-to-day.  As mentioned, we all have times of change and movement in our lives, some more radical, abrupt and/or manic than others.  


My current state is, without question, a time of said flux.  In recent years, my immediate reality has held much changeover, so I have become somewhat accustomed to this process.  However, the added elements of relocation and repatriation are deeply felt at present.  
I am...well, it is difficult to sum up "what I am".  But, as I know some of you are wondering, and as I feel the need to process, I will simply say...  
I am "in the midst".   


Some days are full of joy, laughter, and pure appreciation of my numerous blessings.  Other days bring sadness, longing for my London life(which is a such a deeply layered statement-"my London life"), and frustration that I am unsure of where this path I am on is leading.  
Keeping proper perspective is key, I know.  My world is safe, full of friends, and provision is present, while people in places like Haiti have utterly nothing and are in a state of immense struggle and desperation.  I also know that God is concerned with both of these very real circumstances.  He cares about the little and the big.  I am humbled by and thankful for this truth.  


A good friend and I had coffee yesterday, both of us feeling rather downcast.  We chatted a bit, and then without intending to, both became quiet and stared in different directions, lost in thought about our own story lines that are in process.  One of our observations as we traded tales was that during these times of unknown  and confusion are the very times we are reminded that our faith is a choice and not a feeling.  Thanks be to God.  Love is a choice.  Yes, we do feel it, but in the tough spots, in the "I have no idea" moments, in the "What on Earth?!" situations, we ultimately must make a decision.  Do I believe or do I not? 
Do I believe what I tell people about this faithful God who has protected and provided for me the whole of my life?  The God who literally moved me across the world, from Arkansas to England?  For that matter, the God who took me to North Carolina to camp and saw me through a "hair-raising experience" on a ropes course?...and, this just in, all the other millions of other loving acts He has done for me along the way?  I get to choose.  And my choice?...
Yes, I absolutely choose to believe in Love.  Though I cannot see or touch love, I know it exists.  I am convinced of it.  So, all the more in times such as these, I must return to my anchor "in the midst" of the storm and haze... 
1John 4.16...
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  


Twenty ten is proving to a new decade in loads of ways.  I am finding it to be a challenge, to be full of potential, and to be overflowing with movement.
Funny how truth remains, is it not?  Truth is constant.  My thoughts are taken back as ever to my favourite verse in Scripture... 
John 15.4...
Remain in me, and I will remain in you.
The Lord consistently honours this promise in my life.  He teaches me lessons that hold up even "in the midst".  Remembering these lessons is how he fleshes out His "remaining".  
Cobblestones.  
Remember how I love cobblestones...their age, their character, their aesthetic appeal...?
I have photographed these bits of imperfect, unique stones in many different countries, as I adore them.  A fact about said broken, flat stones?  You cannot walk on them quickly or without careful attention to their contours, edges, and imperfections.  You must be present in your stepping.  If not, ankles tend to twist.  
So, I return to my love of cobblestones and the truth the Lord has revealed to me in this seemingly insignificant component of paths that exist across the globe.  Step carefully, and stay present, trusting that the Truth-teller is who He promises to be.  Remember.
Psalm 145.13...
The Lord is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
I choose to believe.  
kb.