Ever felt like you have too much to do to pray? And then, "something" inside tells you, "You have too much to do NOT to pray!" Yeah. Life overwhelms me and I get tossed to and fro oftentimes, like I am trying to swim in an ocean. As I think about this imagery, which by the way, scares me even more since I don't have a love for the water, I feel beaten down, tired, helpless, and worried. The next thought tells me that the Lord calmed the storm "immediately" when the disciples asked for help (Mt. 8.23-27). I am thankful for that "something" that lives in me that quickly jerks me out of my desperation doggie-paddle. More often than not, I try to do what I can to fix a situation, brainstorm, make phone calls, make lists... My first inclination is to "do", to "problem-solve", to "work harder" to come up with an answer. I know these tendencies like the back of my hand. I carry them with me like luggage from one place to another. I functioned this way in Arkansas as much as I do now in London. A wise friend of mine who lives in Guatemala on YL staff told me months before I set off for Londi: "No matter where you go, you take yourself with you." Yep. Confirmed. I find a lot of comfort in that statement, actually. I also find a lot of frustration and aggravation. What comes after those negative thoughts and emotion about myself?...a thought of a passage in Romans 9 that I remember reading one day in college while sitting by Lake DeGray during a necessary afternoon getaway (I spent a lot of time there.), "But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? 'Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " I beat myself up for not being gifted in certain areas, for not being able to do certain things well that seem so easy for others. I struggle to ask for help, not wanting to burden or make presumption. I suppose I had figured out how not to struggle there would be no need for Jesus, yeah? Yeah.
I have learned that being alone for long stretches of time intensifies these predispostions to be so independent and self-sufficient. I will say that I feel good about having begun to take steps toward decreasing the alone time as of late. I am doing all I can at a measured pace to begin to build a bit more community. You can pray for that quest, if you think of it. You can also pray that I would not swim so rigourously, that I would wade out bit by bit, and that I would cry out for help when I need it "being fully persuaded that [had] power to do what he [has] promised".

Word/phrase of the week: "unlucky!" Clearly, we all know what this word means. However, it is a true testament to the politeness of the English in my opinion when you hear it on the "pitch" (field) of various sport competions. We (our ASL team, and even I got to play a little 3rd base) played in a London women's league sball tournament yesterday, and I heard it frequently when someone overthrew the ball or threw a poor pitch. I have heard it on the football pitch (soccer field), as well, when someone misses a goal kick..."Oh, unlucky!" Makes me smile.