in the midst of
the feelings.
this strategy pops into my mind so often as I ponder and wonder about life...
I started a separate blog for my students during this time of confinement/quarantine/stay at home. since my "office" is now in virtual space, this was an idea I had to try to stay connected with them through story and perspective. so, now as I write, I think...
is this a topic for my freeform thought like I do on this page or is this something I write more tailored toward a teenage audience.
you know what? it is the same. :)
the word usage, the capitalization, the added advice or mentor-like language may be a bit different, but the content is the same.
we are all teenagers on the inside, and especially in the midst of navigating life questions.
so, I'll overlap these two sites a bit today and share a story of a monumental moment in the mountains when I was about sixteen.
when I was a kid, I was pretty much scared of everything. everything that was unfamiliar, that is.
I liked safety, predictability and comfort. I am the youngest child and much of the time my family provided this protected space for me for which I am deeply grateful. I have consistently always felt taken care of and nurtured.
as I became a teenager, life sort of felt like it hit me in the face some days. what once was controllable and generally free from difficulty was now tremendously confusing.
friendships were fun one day and frustrating the next.
suddenly I felt awkward in social situations and didn’t know what to say around people.
now being many years post-teenager, I know that these experiences are common to pretty much all adolescents.
but do you remember being a teenager? oh my goodness.
I thought I was
the.
only.
one.
feeling.
every.
feeling.
I.
had.
the first proper adventure I ever took was to travel to camp in north carolina.
I ventured away from home for the first time from arkansas with a few friends to a week long summer camp. this camp held within its confines the ability to mountain bike, hike, zip line, ride horses, etc.
every cabin went through what they called the “ropes course” together.
you might be familiar with this type of activity where you start on the ground attached to a pulley and rope system and gradually ascend higher and higher into the treetops walking across trees, on wires.
when it came time for my group to put on our harnesses and start this grand adventure, I quickly voiced my decision to “opt out” and volunteered to document the time for my fellow campers by taking pictures safely from the ground.
I had no interest in conquering that particular fear.
eventually my friends convinced me to join them, and I adorned my helmet and harness begrudgingly.
this story really begins to get good about 15 minutes into my journey through this course when I reached the end and was given the choice of how to descend from this perch about 5 stories (50 feet or so) in the air.
I chose to repel down and after MULTIPLE countdowns of “3-2-1”,
I cautiously
with much trepidation,
scooted off the platform.
being cheered on from above and below, I worked my way down the rope inch by inch.
around the 40 foot mark,
something
felt
wrong.
a piece of my very curly hair had somehow gotten wrapped around the metal figure 8 just above my head.
I was stuck.
consultation began between the person on the perch above my head (brad) and person "on belay" below me (scott). I was too far down to pull back up and way too high to be reached from the ground.
it was decided that they would reach me from above. brad would need to descend and help release the tension on the figure 8 to allow me to return to earth.
all involved remained calm, myself included, during this somewhat dramatic rescue.
we both arrived safely on the ground and my hair was easily detangled.
this adventure, this challenge I faced and completed victoriously literally altered my perspective. my dad will still say that I returned from that trip changed.
I learned that within risk reward can be found.
I began to learn to process what I know in the midst of all that I do not know.
facts and feelings are best when they work together, holding hands, as partners.
a few feelings swirling within me on that ropes course:
fear, nervousness, worry, exhilaration, confusion, helplessness, embarrassment, support...
fact: the climbing rope to which I was attached could hold the weight of a car.
fact: the wires in the trees are the same used to catch jets on aircraft carriers.
fact: the people working the course were trained in rescue procedures for just such an occurrence.
fact: I was not alone.
the past few weeks of confinement have actually been quite lovely and less worrisome for me, so I am not entirely sure why this story has been in my mind.
perhaps it is to do with thinking of all the milestones being missed by those ending the school year without being able to properly celebrate their accomplishments.
challenges seem to be around every corner in new ways in this season, seeming to be more acute when they arise, whether small or large. our senses seem to be a bit more on alert and sensitive.
the bottom line:
if it feels challenging to you, then
it is a challenge,
full stop.
we are all sixteen (or sometimes 6 or 13) on the inside.
as adults, we just learn to fake it a bit better.
looking for the facts
in the midst of
the feelings,
not choosing one or the other,
but naming and celebrating them both,
seems to be a tactic that helps me a bit as I sort out how to live in the healthiest way.
 |
| the day after the hair-raising experience, I eagerly (in the midst of my still present fear) climbed this tower and repelled over and over as I had discovered I was stronger than I had realized. |
cheers,
kb.
