kym brinkley.
an outlet for my musings...
Tuesday, 23 March 2021
a sense...
Thursday, 31 December 2020
bonne année.
something about this photo strikes me as I think of the start of a
Sunday, 27 December 2020
together...
the holidays make my spirit happy.
the smells, the lights, the cozy, the warm, sippable beverages, the harry connick, jr. crooning that I really could listen to all year long but for some reason I often forget about until december arrives...
I put up my tree over thanksgiving weekend, breaking my rule I have held fervently to from my childhood of "only after december 2nd", my brother's birthday. we were always mindful to celebrate him and then move forward to Christmas. I like traditions immensely and I am deeply fond of him, but since we no longer share a house, I confess I often fudge this previous guideline.
not a large number of people all at once, but with one, two, or small groups, yes.
my creativity, my ingenuity, my humour, my enjoyment, my eyes...all come alive in the midst of my people.
there is something about this time of year that places priority on being in community with people who you value and genuinely enjoy living life alongside.
this year is different for many of us...what an "up is down and down is up" sort of year it continues to be. these holidays have me on my own in my cozy apartment thinking of those I love who are all in different parts of the world. thankfully we are all well and are doing our best to stay connected in virtual ways.
love is a gift.love is a choice.
Thursday, 16 July 2020
with..
a common denominator of utter joy.
and now, at times...
a sadness and loss for me.
my gifting, the thing I do which invigorates my spirit is “with”.
I show up.
I make space.
I welcome in.
sometimes, certainly, I isolate for a time due to fear or frustration or loss which can often be for my betterment for self-care, but where I am my best is "with",
alongside.
“we don’t know exactly why or exactly what you have done (or do currently), but we know this place feels better with you with us.”
I love hearing this statement at work. when I hear it, I know I am being who I am made to be.
now, obviously, some tangibles must be known from my employers and from myself about the “whats” of my job, but the base, the foundation, the rooting of the space I am within, the space I create intentionally, the space that I fiercely protect…
the essence…
lies in the
with.
ok, some *definitions of these prepositions which are objects of my affection...
with: in the company of; accompanied by
alongside: close to the side of; together and in cooperation with; in coexistence with
preposition: a word expressing a relation to another word (simplified kb definition.)
*definition: meant to be a base not a box (kb definition for myself)
in my english grammar lessons I have always been taught that is is improper to end a sentence with a preposition. after doing a bit of research, I have learned that this comes from the structure of the latin language. others argue, , apparently even famed orator and writer winston churchill, that not allowing prepositions to end sentences sounds quite awkward.
in spoken english, I would absolutely agree with him.
speaking in such a way can potentially cause one to sound quite haughty and pretentious thus creating more of a gap between those with whom we relate rather than creating a connecting point.
as I see more of a view into this grammatical window and expanded context, for the sake of my current metaphor, I like the option of the preposition being placed either before or after the noun with which it is associated.
with and alongside do not hold boundaries which indicate before or after necessarily, in my mind.
they exist in the midst, in the middle of, in coexistence.
in the words of a favourite person of mine, this may be a digression, but one that I found interesting.
as many of you know, my fascination for words is endless, and going back to the source of definition helps me to root and reorient myself.
why do these waves of melancholy wash over, in particular, for me personally, these days?
and today, as I was walking around my neighbourhood, listening to a podcast from one of my favourite wise, british teachers, I found a particular source of this sadness and lament.
I miss the
"with".
deeply.
my instincts, senses, insights work better
with presence,
with being there,
with showing up,
with coexisting,
with accompanying,
with attending,
with being a companion,
with partnering.
I have strategically shaped my work life to center around this space of joy for me, and with the virus, the confinement, the fears, the summer season, etc. I feel the lack acutely.
the difference in this season of our lives is that we are not sure when “the with” will return and when it does, how it will look.
new strategies and tactics abound as experts and educators scramble and study ways to maintain our connections from safe distances.
I watch webinars and read new articles every day which have excellent recommendations for new tools and tricks, and I will use many of them when school resumes, I am sure. (I am so thankful that others have passion for sorting out these new tricks of the trade. I will be honest and say, I do not enjoy needing to create so much new.)
I suppose, for me, I have just needed to acknowledge where the root of the lament lies.
I need to know for me before I can engage in helping others think through and identify where their loss and sadness sits.
in order for my “with” whether virtual or physical, to be authentic, I have to be actively present with myself in honest conversation.
I hope the week is ok for all of you.
we are certainly all in the midst of a daily quest to take care of ourselves and our loved ones as we navigate this still surreal season of our lives.
may you have peace today in ways that utterly surprise and delight you.
-kb.
(pictured below: one of my favourite humans to be with... my niece, izzy.)
Tuesday, 9 June 2020
scars...
Tuesday, 19 May 2020
facts and feelings...
in the midst of
the feelings.
this strategy pops into my mind so often as I ponder and wonder about life...
I started a separate blog for my students during this time of confinement/quarantine/stay at home. since my "office" is now in virtual space, this was an idea I had to try to stay connected with them through story and perspective. so, now as I write, I think...
is this a topic for my freeform thought like I do on this page or is this something I write more tailored toward a teenage audience.
you know what? it is the same. :)
the word usage, the capitalization, the added advice or mentor-like language may be a bit different, but the content is the same.
we are all teenagers on the inside, and especially in the midst of navigating life questions.
so, I'll overlap these two sites a bit today and share a story of a monumental moment in the mountains when I was about sixteen.
when I was a kid, I was pretty much scared of everything. everything that was unfamiliar, that is.
I liked safety, predictability and comfort. I am the youngest child and much of the time my family provided this protected space for me for which I am deeply grateful. I have consistently always felt taken care of and nurtured.
as I became a teenager, life sort of felt like it hit me in the face some days. what once was controllable and generally free from difficulty was now tremendously confusing.
friendships were fun one day and frustrating the next.
suddenly I felt awkward in social situations and didn’t know what to say around people.
now being many years post-teenager, I know that these experiences are common to pretty much all adolescents.
but do you remember being a teenager? oh my goodness.
I thought I was
the.
only.
one.
feeling.
every.
feeling.
I.
had.
the first proper adventure I ever took was to travel to camp in north carolina.
I ventured away from home for the first time from arkansas with a few friends to a week long summer camp. this camp held within its confines the ability to mountain bike, hike, zip line, ride horses, etc.
every cabin went through what they called the “ropes course” together.
you might be familiar with this type of activity where you start on the ground attached to a pulley and rope system and gradually ascend higher and higher into the treetops walking across trees, on wires.
when it came time for my group to put on our harnesses and start this grand adventure, I quickly voiced my decision to “opt out” and volunteered to document the time for my fellow campers by taking pictures safely from the ground.
I had no interest in conquering that particular fear.
eventually my friends convinced me to join them, and I adorned my helmet and harness begrudgingly.
this story really begins to get good about 15 minutes into my journey through this course when I reached the end and was given the choice of how to descend from this perch about 5 stories (50 feet or so) in the air.
I chose to repel down and after MULTIPLE countdowns of “3-2-1”,
I cautiously
with much trepidation,
scooted off the platform.
being cheered on from above and below, I worked my way down the rope inch by inch.
around the 40 foot mark,
something
felt
wrong.
a piece of my very curly hair had somehow gotten wrapped around the metal figure 8 just above my head.
I was stuck.
consultation began between the person on the perch above my head (brad) and person "on belay" below me (scott). I was too far down to pull back up and way too high to be reached from the ground.
it was decided that they would reach me from above. brad would need to descend and help release the tension on the figure 8 to allow me to return to earth.
all involved remained calm, myself included, during this somewhat dramatic rescue.
we both arrived safely on the ground and my hair was easily detangled.
this adventure, this challenge I faced and completed victoriously literally altered my perspective. my dad will still say that I returned from that trip changed.
I learned that within risk reward can be found.
I began to learn to process what I know in the midst of all that I do not know.
facts and feelings are best when they work together, holding hands, as partners.
a few feelings swirling within me on that ropes course:
fear, nervousness, worry, exhilaration, confusion, helplessness, embarrassment, support...
fact: the climbing rope to which I was attached could hold the weight of a car.
fact: the wires in the trees are the same used to catch jets on aircraft carriers.
fact: the people working the course were trained in rescue procedures for just such an occurrence.
fact: I was not alone.
the past few weeks of confinement have actually been quite lovely and less worrisome for me, so I am not entirely sure why this story has been in my mind.
perhaps it is to do with thinking of all the milestones being missed by those ending the school year without being able to properly celebrate their accomplishments.
challenges seem to be around every corner in new ways in this season, seeming to be more acute when they arise, whether small or large. our senses seem to be a bit more on alert and sensitive.
the bottom line:
if it feels challenging to you, then
it is a challenge,
full stop.
we are all sixteen (or sometimes 6 or 13) on the inside.
as adults, we just learn to fake it a bit better.
looking for the facts
in the midst of
the feelings,
not choosing one or the other,
but naming and celebrating them both,
seems to be a tactic that helps me a bit as I sort out how to live in the healthiest way.
the day after the hair-raising experience, I eagerly (in the midst of my still present fear) climbed this tower and repelled over and over as I had discovered I was stronger than I had realized. |
cheers,
kb.
Monday, 13 April 2020
c'est spirituel..
http://www.moreloveletters.com |
those of us who create, otherwise known as ALL human beings, put our hearts and souls into fashioning our respective pièces de résistance which are so uniquely our own. when we engage and invest ourselves with something or someone, we share our essence, our spirits.
we are certainly being reminded right now that the human spirit is strong.
in the service I like to attend, we have a time of "passing the peace" with the people sitting near to each other. we shake hands with those we do not know and exchange hugs or kisses with those we love.
we say "peace be with you." to one another.
it is a lovely time of connection that I confess, growing up, I dreaded. why would I make a physical connection of any kind with that stranger sitting next to me?
I have long since left this disdain behind and I thought of this lovely gesture of quick human touch and wishing of calm in the midst of whatever personal storms might be present especially this weekend, as we are now told it is not best to be near one another.
I am adhering to this strong suggestion certainly as I see its benefit in prevention, of course.
I suppose I needed to just acknowledge this feeling of loss.
I believe we need to keep connecting no matter what challenges we are facing.
a few things I am giving a go...
write letters to your favourite people.
read books you normally don't take the time to take off the shelves.
create playlists for friends with songs they might like.
work on that language you might have always wanted to learn.
make short video messages to send to your friends. (this was more fun than I expected it to be. and it usually took a good deal of time because I had to do multiple takes due to the incessant laughing at myself.)
I am remembering that I can always choose hope whether I am sitting next to someone or am more physically distant which is easier some days than others.
c'est spirituel.
so perhaps even the melancholy days hold lessons and goodness within...much like a rainy day brings growth when working in conjunction with sun-drenched days.
I often can appreciate light and levity more in reflection of the clouds.
life happens in seasons whether we are surprised by them or see them arriving in a timely fashion.
every meeting or interaction can be seen as spiritual, soulful, and significant.
on some days, we might need to choose to look a bit deeper for that meaning right now.
(p.s. it is possible this post was just for me to read back to myself. haha.)
may we keep choosing hope and passing peace to one another,
as we are all in this together. :)
cheers,
kb.